these are the days

It starts sometime in the middle of things that happen every day.

Telling my son for the hundredth time not to touch the blinds. Hearing him repeat the mantra, “no touchy!” over and over.

A thought creeps into my mind and plants itself there.

Trying unsuccessfully to get him to take a nap. Savoring a moment with the three of us pausing for a hug before bedtime – my son, my husband, and me.

I swing from high to low throughout every day. There are moments when I am so frustrated I feel like I might explode – the times when he looks in my face and laughs as he continues to do the opposite of what I’ve asked him to do; and also the times when he is in full meltdown mode and I have no idea why.

My little guy wailing to go outside so he could wave to the trash cans (again). Bouncing a ball back and forth with him in his room, to the rhythm of his bursts of giggles.

Other times I feel guilty. I turn on the TV, therefore getting him to sit still for a couple minutes so I can, too. Or I lose it and find myself yelling at my toddler, probably for something that just needs a little patience instead. Or I slip him a doughnut hole or some cookies, even though he probably doesn’t need the sugar.

Dozing on the couch while he plays (almost). Laughing as he does his best imitation of me sweeping the floor with the broom.

And then there are times when I almost want to burst, I love him so much. His toothy little mischievous grin tugs at my heart. His squishy cheeks are just begging for me to kiss and squeeze them. He does something adorable, like slipping on my sandals and saying “bye bye!”, so I forget every single bad moment of my day. I just can’t believe he’s mine, that I get the privilege of being his mama.

The thought that creeps into my mind is, these are the days.

These are the days I hoped and prayed for when I so wanted to be pregnant.

These are the days I know I will look back on and miss, every moment of them. I won’t be thinking about being tired or frustrated. Instead, I’ll be remembering how he is, right now, just the way I wish I could keep him forever.

These aren’t the best days of my life. It seems to me like they should keep getting better. I hope I keep loving him and my husband and our baby-on-the-way more and more as we all grow and change. I hope I keep getting better, to be most of all the best wife and mama I can be for them.

But these, right now, these are the days. And I don’t want to miss a single moment.