Who is the Proverbs 31 Woman in the Bible?
I’ve always loved the idea of her, while at the same time felt intimidated.
She’s amazing because she gives us clear-cut examples of what a righteous woman can strive toward. Plus, many of the characteristics on display here here describe any woman, not just wives and moms, although they are mentioned most.
However, she comes across as intimidating because – who does all of that?
Who knows how to be a Proverbs 31 woman in today’s world?
To really get an understanding of Proverbs 31, let’s first establish a couple things.
The primary thing to consider is this: the Proverbs 31 woman isn’t a real woman – not a historical person, anyway. Instead, she’s a concept; a list of characteristics that a father passes on to his son in what to look for in a woman; possibly based on the character of a real person, or multiple real people. It’s not even God’s directly-spoken description; it’s a man’s.
BUT since it’s in the Bible we can consider it as divine inspiration. God must have a purpose for this passage – that the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 Woman are ones that we can employ in our lives as we strive to be strong godly women (as single women, wives, or moms).
So to summarize, instead of getting all up-at-arms at this person that we think God demands that we live up to, we can remember that these are simply admirable qualities of a virtuous woman to try to pursue in our own lives. Maybe that will relieve some of the pressure we can feel from this passage.
Also, hello – the Proverbs 31 woman is kind of awesome.
Not a doormat, not silent, not dismissible, not a sidekick. A superhero in her own right. Even though culturally for the time, by the world’s standards, I doubt that women were ordinarily esteemed in such a way. It affirms for me that the inspiration for the Proverbs 31 passage must be from God.
Okay, next problem: some of the situations only really fit the context. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any servants, I don’t hold a distaff, and my husband doesn’t sit at the city gate. I don’t even think we have a city gate.
So what does it mean to be a Proverbs 31 woman today?
How can we apply this passage and make it applicable to our generation? Let’s go ahead and break down her characteristics by verse. The following is a Bible study on the Proverbs 31 Woman, to help you make sense of her, and apply those characteristics to your life.
The commentaries at BibleHub help to interpret some of the historical context. Below is Proverbs 31 from the New International Version. (Also this post contains affiliate links, which means when you click and/or purchase, an advertising fee goes to the author of this blog at no additional cost to you – thank you for your support!)
Finally, please don’t look at this and think, “well, what about him?” I’m talking men in general, husbands, fathers, etc. This passage is about characteristics we can build as women, without the context of what men should or shouldn’t do. There are many other passages and posts for that.
Characteristics of the Proverbs 31 Woman and How to Apply them Today
Trustworthy
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
An admirable quality in anyone, not just women, is when you can trust someone with the big and little things; also being dependable or having integrity. Regardless of gender or relationship status, this is an important trait for all of us.
Wives, this is major in our relationships with our husbands. Are we in full commitment to our marriages? Do we take the concept of divorce lightly?
Do we follow through in what we say we’re going to do, big or small? (In our house, I know how much my husband appreciates that, although I admit doesn’t happen all the time.)
In terms of woman hoping for marriage in the future, maybe consider: all the days of her life. How can you honor your husband before you even meet him? Relationally, mentally, spiritually?
Eager
“She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.”
Basically, she doesn’t buy cloth for clothing and household items – she makes it herself, something common for women of the day. Other versions use the word “seeks” instead of “selects”.
The point of this verse is not necessarily to go all “Project Runway” and make your own fabric and clothes. (Unless that’s your thing! Work those gifts and talents!)
Instead, the point is that the Modern Proverbs 31 Woman goes about her tasks eagerly, willingly, thoroughly. She’s industrious and responsible for her task. She sees the purpose behind it (which in her case is taking care of her family), and doesn’t let complaining or laziness win.
Purposeful and Savvy
“She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.”
Maybe upon first glance, this verse could mean making her meals with lots of variety. (Which, “what does that matter?“)
But digging a little deeper, a commentary talks about how buying “food from afar” was a well-planned way to save money. Almost like driving an extra distance to get food on sale.
Ultimately it refers to being a great manager of your resources and budget. And being financially savvy and intentional applies to any walk of life.
This also confronts stereotypes of the man being in charge of the budget in a relationship. In my house, my husband takes more charge of the finances, because math is not my favorite subject. But in terms of roles, men or women can handle a budget.
What other stereotypical roles can we reconsider in this verse? This verse doesn’t necessarily imply that the woman should or shouldn’t stay home, even though it seems to show her taking care of more of the household tasks.
Sacrificial, or just plain Responsible
“She gets up when it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.”
The Proverbs 31 Woman takes care of her responsibilities, prioritizing them, even if it means going before her own wants.
As a mom, I see this in terms of waking up with my kids – my little alarm clocks without snooze buttons. But it can mean getting up early, staying up late, working overtime, giving up luxuries to save or put money towards something necessary, etc.
What do you sacrifice time, energy, money, or other resources for? What are you working towards?
Diligent
“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.”
This describes her business practice. Basically, the Modern Proverbs 31 woman is a boss.
She looks at a field and considers whether or not it will be a sensible buy. Because she manages it well, it produces a profit, and she uses it to move forward with another business endeavor.
All that to say, she works hard, makes good investments, and reaps the profits. She uses her talent and skills. This verse shows the results of working hard and smart.
Physically Capable
“She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.”
This scripture does reflect diligence, like some of the other verses say. But it could possibly also encourage physical ability – making healthy choices and staying up to the task.
It’s definitely not talking about shapes and sizes, but rather the importance of being able to keep up with your career and/or your household and family. The bonus of working out for me is that it just makes me a more positive, and likable, person to be around.
It doesn’t matter how; it doesn’t matter what your body looks like – what matters is that you take care of it. (God supports us taking care of our bodies.)
Disciplined
“She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.”
She is, again, diligent in taking care of her responsibilities and business.
It also shows her efficiency, working the only time she can sometimes, which is late into the night. Sacrifice, focus, using her skills and talents – it all reinforces this picture of the Proverbs 31 Woman of any age or stage.
Also something cool – the distaff was what kept the fibers together. In many ways, so does this woman, whether in her home or in business.
Compassionate
“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.”
I love these words, because it shows the Proverbs 31 Woman is not just charitable. It doesn’t say she gives some of their income to the poor, and sends clothes and can goods to the needy. She’s a savvy lady – I’m sure she could work volunteering into her schedule and make it happen in an efficient way.
This passage on the other hand feels more vulnerable and personal. It gives the feeling of more connection. She doesn’t just check it off the list, she welcomes, engages, shows concern, feels empathy.
Prepared
“When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.”
The Modern Proverbs 31 Woman can resemble this in her preparation, intuition, and being informed.
She appears to have the foresight to be ready for anything, which includes the unpredictable weather.
Plus scarlet sounds warm and cozy, but also seems to convey style too – it doesn’t just say “wool”, for example. (This comes into play later on.)
Tidy/Elegant/Neat
“She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.”
The Proverbs 31 Woman may not necessarily be trendy or rock expensive clothes, but she definitely maintains her appearance and her home. Being approachable in appearance tends to affect other areas of life and relationships.
A tidy house makes for a clear mind. It probably leaves her space to get her work done, run the household more efficiently, and may offer the opportunity for hospitality, something that isn’t necessarily noted here but was vitally important to the time period, and later in the Bible.
Supportive/Submissive
“Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”
A husband that does well in life usually has a supportive wife at his side. It is hard to be well-respected if your own family doesn’t stand beside you, if they publicly show you disrespect. (We can’t ignore all she does to take care of things at home, too.)
This can also get into the heady subject of submission. Our society doesn’t like it – we consider it a dirty word. To women today, it can mean an imbalance of value and importance in the household.
Although it really should be a blog post for another time, let’s focus on a few things. First, the Bible says we are created equally (Genesis 1:27), and it calls us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). True Christianity means that we each consider the other’s interests above our own (Philippians 2:3 and Romans 12:10).
In addition to all this, in Ephesians 5, it calls wives a second time to submit to their husbands. It also calls for husbands to love, sacrifice for, and even take part in their spiritual walk, like Jesus does. I don’t know the answer to the why’s, but I know God designs relationships in an orderly way.
To me, it’s a designation of roles in the household. It set up to be a symbiotic relationship where there isn’t a power struggle or disrespect. It resembles the relationship between the Father and Son. Jesus is described as submissive in the Bible, and we would never consider him to be a doormat, a sidekick, or less powerful.
It shows working with each other for a harmonious relationship. The wife has a different role, but clearly this whole passage of scripture is meant to build her up just as much as her respected husband (keep reading the passage if you don’t believe me).
Humble
“She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.”
This woman continues in another line of business to work hard and also make a profit. And in addition, it’s not beneath her to work, or to be part of the business world, even though her husband is well-respected.
She can work, he can work, and it doesn’t mess with the respect given to either – think about that!
And finally, the big finish:
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Don’t we wish we could all do that? (Read more on battling anxiety with faith.)
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” What an amazing list of characteristics to be known by! This woman is strong, dignified, unhurried and unworried. She is wise and faithful, two things the Bible notes as coming from being close to God and seeking him first.
“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her works have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
Such a beautiful description! I don’t know about you, but I would want these words to apply to me.
Hard-working, capable, blessed. Respected, honored, cherished. And hey – praised before the city. These words can apply to any woman.
In all this, as I read between the lines, I get a sense that she is joyful and content with her work and life. She doesn’t waste time worrying or complaining, but rather holds on with courage, purpose and worth – a perspective I am always striving toward.
What are some of your preconceptions about the Proverbs 31 Woman? Also, what surprises you about her? How might we resemble her as Modern Proverbs 31 women?
For more inspiration, check out my Modern Proverbs 31 Woman board on Pinterest.
Scriptures are quoted from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Photo Credit:
1 – My own
3 – Annie Spratt on Unsplash
4 – Ana Gabriel on Unsplash
5 – Allen Taylor on Unsplash
Gina Poirier says
I came across some helpful commentary some time ago about her lamp not going out at night. It seemed challenging to me that she never slept. In that culture, keeping a lamp on at night meant your home was welcome to travelers and visitors. In order to keep a lamp on all night you were not only hospitable, but you were resourceful enough to burn your oil all night long without running out (think about Jesus’ parable of the ten virgins). I like your interpretation too–because sometimes, especially as moms, sacrifice is definitely required 🙂
Wow, this is awesome! Thanks so much, Gina! Again, something I never would have applied to the passage on my own. Hospitality and resourcefulness – two more amazing characteristics to work towards. I was definitely thinking of you and your blog as I wrote this – you hold the family together, as you hold the distaff 🙂
“lamp not going out at night” It says to me the even though we have other responsibilities, that may take us outside the home, not to forget our main priority of making sure our home runs efficiently & comfortable for our families.
“She gets up when it is still night” this says to me that rising before my family and getting things ready before the rest get up, puts my whole house hold on a positive start to the day. Making sure clothes are laid out, breakfast is ready, everyone has what they need makes every ones day better. My husband appreciates my helping him get his day off right and cuts down on the running around stressed out. I have learned that I can set the mood for the whole family. I can make it worse or better just by my attitude. I’m sure we all can look at mom’s around us and see how their attitude affects their kids, positively or negatively .
I like that perspective a lot! I know my husband really appreciates that too, just me taking care of the everyday chores so that he can stay focused on work. And it is SO TRUE that my attitude affects everyone else’s! It’s why I’m learning to take some “me time,” so that I can get refreshed and bring a positive attitude home. Thanks for sharing!
Hello. This has helped so much and I am going through a tough time right now with my man. Thank u n please pray for us. Love how you described all this.
Thank you for visiting, Marizela! I’m sorry to hear you guys are going through challenges, and will be praying your relationship comes through them even stronger.
Thank you.
I found this on Pinterest. Thanks for your insight. Enjoying your site.
Thank you, Kim! Happy to have you 🙂
This is a good post. It transends. I have studied proverb 31 and finally came to the conclusion that in this age it takes the grace of God. You explained these attributes well. I always see her as a DIY lady and entrepreneur. A mother, wife, sister and like said one that is hospitable. Wanting to start up a business i always read it and tell myself that this is how a high power woman starts.
Good post.
It definitely takes so much grace. And it’s cool that God is fully behind strong women going after their passions and building a business! I hope you get to go after it 🙂
It doesn’t just take the grace of God to be that virtuous woman, it takes a total submission to God and His ways. The world teaches us to be ‘liberal’, do only what makes us happy and pleasing to us. This is contrary to God’s teaching. We cannot be wiser than God. His ways and judgements are perfect. He is the beginning and the end. As Christian women, we must always strive to obey His word and not yield to the ways of the world which is the path to destruction.
I don’t believe the virteous woman is a concept. She is a real woman. A woman after God’s own heart. Yes, virteous women are rare these days, but they’re around. My life has been tremendously blessed by the few virteous women God has placed in my life and I’m striving each day to be one also.
Absolutely. Virtuous women are real and can be found both in the Bible and today. The point I’m making at the beginning of this post is that the Proverbs 31 woman is likely not an actual historical woman, but a group of characteristics we can aspire to. Many women display these characteristics, including ones I know and love! Hopefully that clears up any confusion.
You’re not wrong! It takes both. God’s grace prompts us to obey and surrender. It’s God’s grace that allows us to do so in the first place – not our own desire or effort, as Romans 9:16 says.
Thank you for this post! There is plenty of Godly advice here even for single women. The Word is always right. Thank you again.
So glad you enjoyed the post! And I completely agree 🙂
Hello, I’m thank you for this post I love this section in proverbs personally. I found it when I was having a hard time with my marriage. And I know that it has completely changed me that and a whole lot of getting on my knees in prayer.
My husband and I read a book called “Love and Respect” And it covers the Ephesians 5 – “women respect your husbands” or submit, and husbands love your wives, and he shows that with much research He realized that me need to be respected in order for them to show love and women need to be loved in order to show respect and that the case of many marriages and relationships is that we as couples have such a hard time because we aren’t willing to give what is asked of us until we receive what we want. And the Bible literally commands us to do so not after we receive but before and because we give we will receive. This revelation has done so much in our marriage, I highly recommend this book for any marriage in any state.
Thank you for sharing! My husband and I went through a course on “Love and Respect” early in our marriage – it was eye-opening for sure! We can get caught up in roles in marriage, but it’s more about what we need, and what we can give to each other. Love your perspective, thank you for sharing.
Awesome. I has been a blessing
I love this and have definitely bookmarked it to come back to time and time again! I, too, have always admired the Proverbs 31 woman but have been absolutely intimidated by her as well (more often than not). I love your breakdown of these characteristics and look forward to really working on these more as I refocus my life less about me and strive towards Christ. Thank you!
Thank you! Wow, this is the best response I could hope for. So glad that this study was inspiring and connected to someone else.
Thank you for this wonderful description.
Thank you for reading! <3
Love this post! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Thank you so much! 🙂
I don’t think you’ve missed a thing! 🙂
As a mom of 7 with only one teenager still at home, I can testify to the importance of what you said in your first point about not discussing divorce. My oldest daughter told me that one of the biggest reasons she felt secure as a child was that she knew her parents would never get a divorce.
The Proverbs 31 woman still intimidates me. But as we live day by day, moment by moment, trusting the Lord in all things, He gives wisdom when we need it, and watches over and guides our children into His paths.
Thanks for a great post, Jenn.
Thank you so much! Wow – that is amazing to hear. I truly hope my children feel just as secure about our family as yours do. She still intimidates me too 🙂 Thank you for these words as well. I know I’ll never get it all right as a woman, wife and mom, but fortunately God is so gracious to us.
Willena, my name is Willene and I just get excited when I see other people who share my name. I thank God for this amazing post. God’s word is powerful and all the insights, promises and applications of His word are allowing me to thrive, not just survive.
So glad to hear that, Willene! God is good and true, all the time. Beautiful names, both of you, by the way 🙂
This is a really well-written and thoughtful post! I like what you said about managing the budget… I hadn’t thought about it like that!
Thank you! I love a good, dig-deep Bible study and had to share. Plus the commentary was amazing!
Thanks Jenn.
This is so great. I memorized this passage years ago and through my 8 years of marriage gone back again and again and tried to picture how it applies today. This is great to have it layed out right here and it’s very insightful! I appreciate that you did research before just writing your thoughts on it. Very inspiring. Thank you!
I am so glad you enjoyed it! That is amazing – this is a passage I need to memorize. It was so helpful to see some of the notes on the context of it all!
I love this, Jenn! I think we too often forget to focus on the Proverbs 31 woman’s character traits. If we stay literal we can say she doesn’t apply to us today . . . but this, this reminds us of who we are called to be not what we are called to do. Thanks for this blessing. I’m excited to share it this week. I’d love to have you join us at Faith ‘n Friends Blog Hop at Counting My Blessings
I am so glad you enjoyed it! I agree. Without applying it to now, I can write this lesson off. I’ll have to check it out! 🙂
Extremely well done, thank you! I needed this, sometimes we feel unappreciated and burdened but this put it all back in place. I look forward to your next study, Thanks again!
I am so glad you connected to it! This post seems to be resonating with a lot of women, which I’m grateful for, because I know I’m not alone 🙂
Hi Jenn, this comment is being made to you and you alone…. I’ll cut to the chase – you are the walking, talking representative of God. God is Love. Very simply put – concentrate on the word “Love” throughout your day and EVERYTHING you do will turn out exactly the way it’s suppose to. Trust Him, He knows what He is doing. When you second guess yourself you are 2nd guessing God. Jenn, in His eyes you are perfect… Keeping Love at the forethought of your mind is not easy and requires deligence and discernment. You can do it, you already have the deligence part of it down pat! p.s. it might interest you to know that Jesus carried in his right arm the Book of Ruth as he traveled from place to place (you can look this up yourself but you’ll have to go to an Arabic bible) Your Sister in Christ Jesus, Kim
Thank you so much for sharing! It’s a high calling to represent God, but you’re right – when we do things out of love, we are his face in this world. The concept that I am perfect to him is something I’m still learning 🙂 And that is interesting! Would love to dig into that information some more.
Hi Jenn,
I came across this post this morning on Pinterest. You have done a great job with the Proverbs 31 Woman. I have pinned it and I am going to schedule to share on my facebook page! God Bless:)
Learning Beside You,
Lisa:)
I am so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for sharing! It was fun to dig into the passage a little deeper 🙂
after many hours spent studying these verses and through so many conversations I see some incredible insight here. This lifestyle is fully attainable. We just have to truly believe and have a desire to commit all to יהוה. It is only through Him that this is wholly possible. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for stopping by! There’s definitely way more than I could understand or put into one blog post, but it was fun to consider the context and apply it to my life. And that’s the truth! Only through God 🙂
Great post, thanks! Im learning a lot!!!
I am so glad! Thanks for visiting 🙂
Hi Jenn,
Thank you for sharing your interpretation! 🙂
I always pray for God to help me be like a Prov31 woman…not fully understanding everything haha…but your post has truly shed light and understanding on the parts that I couldn’t see applied to today’s world.
And I believe it is totally possible for us women to live in such a manner, by His grace and mercy we can surely accomplish anything 🙂
The part where it says that she is supportive and submissive gets me to thinking about our main purpose as a woman and what we were intentionally created for, to be the helpmeat of our husband’s. As it is written Genesis 3:18 it says: The Lord God said, ” it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a HELPER suitable for him.” So it is from the beginning our task and devine purpose as a woman, to help our man.
I’m totally repining this by the way! Women are nowadays everything but what we need to be according to biblical standards and this is a good motivation and eye-opener.
Feeling very blessed. I pray that you may grow closer to God and that He may keep on using you to educate people on His word.
Bless you and yours 🙂
Hi Char! Thank you so much. God definitely made this post happen, because a lot of people are connecting to it and getting things out of it. Such a great scripture. It’s frustrating to me when women get upset about this role – I think when you look at God’s plan for it, not to be a doormat, but to be a helper, and that he even uses that word to describe himself – it’s a pretty amazing quality! And thank you for sharing! I hope it reaches anyone who needs it. Blessings to you too 🙂
I am having some trouble understanding how in this day and age we are to be like a Proverbs 31 woman. So as a wife and stay at home mother of two young children, I work hard to raise the children, up keep the house, have meals for everyone, also helping my elderly parents, being supportive of our husband etc, what about when we burn out, what about when things are about to crumble and we ask for help and our husband doesn’t help, doesn’t lift a finger to clean or help upkeep the home, how are we not to complain? How are we to be thankful at all times? Just a thought. I am very curious about the Proverbs 31 Woman, I do want to be a supportive wife and continue doing it all but burnout how do I deal with that?
That is such a difficult situation to be in, and I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I completely understand being burned out – I would feel the same way. I really do believe that God sees marriage as a partnership, that the responsibility shouldn’t all rest on one or the other, and that both sides can and should contribute. But that said – you can only control your own choices, and your husband can control his. I think the Proverbs 31 woman is a great example in so far as what you yourself can strive for, independent of what your husband chooses. As for the rest, staying joyful and thankful and refreshed through all of it – I think God provides those things abundantly when we ask, sometimes in ways we don’t expect. Although I don’t claim to know exactly your situation, I know that when I feel burned out, God manages to provide ways to handle whatever it is I’m going through. I hope and pray that you can find the support and encouragement you need in this time!
I LOVE reading your blog, but it is a little hard on these middle aged eyes. Would you consider darkening the font or enlarging just a tad? It would make your delightful blog even more so. Thank you for listening to my feedback.
Have a wonderful day!
Thank you for your feedback! I’m sorry it’s so hard to read. I will get in touch with the designer and see what we can do!
I enjoyed reading this! I have oftened wondered how the Proverbs 31 woman would look in our society. I read the comments and also like the lamp being continuously lit. My lamp sometimes burns out spiritually and literally. 😉 I had always heard that scarlet and purple were worn by people who were wealthy. The lamp would also be indicative of this. She sounded like she was a very hardworking woman!
I am so glad you liked it! I feel the same way with my lamp 🙂 And I think you’re right! It’s kind of amazing to me that even though she was clearly well-off, it didn’t stop her from working hard!
Thank you for this insight. I too have struggled with how to relate the Proverbs 31 woman to today’s world. I did think that I had heard that the purple in her being “clothed in fine linen and purple,” was traditionally a sign of royalty. I googled it to make sure I knew what I was talking about before commenting here, and found this blog post.
https://missybaroff.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/a-virtuous-woman-is-clothed-in-purple-silk/
I really like her explanation of it, as well as making the bedroom and marriage a priority.
Thanks again for delving into this. 🙂
Thanks for sharing that article! I love digging into this passage more. I definitely think the purple cloth connection is accurate, and I never thought about the tapestry/bedroom concept! So fascinating what you can get from looking into the words a little bit more closely!
As a college girl, I am thankful for people to look up to like you. Thank you so much for explaining in simple terms and giving perspective from your real-life experiences. You are truly gifted to communicate the Word, and I hope to one day be like you.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Jessi. It’s definitely been God at work from the beginning of this post – I had no idea a simple study would reach and resonate with so many people! I’m so glad you were able to connect to it. Good luck with school!
I thought it would be fun to see if Proverbs 31 could fit a husband, too…http://storytellerkm.com/2016/01/19/just-having-fun/ . Apparently, it fits quite will. 🙂
LOVED IT! 100% agree 🙂
We just created and started a scripture writing plan based just on these things! Love these details though! http://welcometowifedom.weebly.com/w2w—home/proverbs-31-writing-challenge
What a great idea! That sounds awesome!
The verse “she brings him good; not harm, all the days of her life” makes an excellent springboard for a discussion with teenage and young women about how decisions and actions affect one’s reputation; intended or not. ALL the days of her life….the choices we make in our younger years will either bring our husband joy, confidence in his ability to trust and pride or pain and hurt.. ALL the days….honor, integrity, purity. ALL the days.
That is so true! Our decisions affect our future husbands, even while we’re not married. When we’re young, we can’t imagine the consequences affecting anyone else, but it’s good to be made aware as soon as possible!
I love this! Thanks so much for composing such thoughtful insights on a favorite chapter. Well done!
Thank you so much, Monica! I love this chapter too 🙂
Just a guess here- “When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.” –
Perhaps the scarlet is to help keep them safe in the snow. Scarlet would stand out against the snow, she could keep track of her family to keep them safe, and remember the stories of people having to tie ropes from their house to their barn? Obviously this is a much earlier time, but they could still get lost and die in a snowstorm, so again, Scarlet would be a nice bright color to keep track of.
This is SUCH a great theory! I had not considered that at all! Definitely great insight there. You don’t think about those fears in today’s day, but I’m sure it was very real back then. Thanks for sharing!
I read somewhere a long time ago that scarlet was one of the rarest and most difficult colors to find and to achieve with the available dyes back then. I think that would make it expensive and difficult to come by. I thought this verse could also be interpreted to mean that they had abundance or wealth to hold them through difficult times and also savvy to solve difficult speedbumps along the way.
That is a such a cool perspective! They definitely managed well the resources that they had. Thanks for sharing that!
Our pastor and his wife talked about this last Sunday! Here’s the link if you’d like to watch http://www.centeringlives.com/worship/messages/ and the notes are included with the video!
That’s awesome! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Really loved this! Thanks for writing! I think the bible can be scary to a lot of modern day women who are afraid of being muffled and undervalued, but that doesn’t have to be the case! The bible inspires strength and confidence and value beyond what we have to over! I think your post makes this relevant to women today.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Lately I’ve seen a lot of the Bible misinterpreted, and it’s so discouraging. A big part of the picture is having the perspective that God loves us and has great plans for us, which can sometimes be missed as it’s read. I have so much hope that God wants us to grow to be like this woman, as idealized as she can seem to be, and that she can help us along the way!
Loved this commentary. Have you ever read “Beautiful in God’s Eyes: The Proverbs 31 Woman”? Excellent. It took me 15 years to finish because I started reading as a new mom with 4 kids under 5, and when I got to the chapter about running a business, I quit. It is only 15 years later that I started a direct sales business and realized, I was becoming more like that Proverbs 31 woman. Not to say that every woman needs to work outside the home! It was just my experience!
I haven’t! I’m always looking for more commentary on this passage – it’s such an interesting and relevant one. And WOW – I have trouble with one under five 🙂 Soon to be two! Starting a business and/or working hard is so rewarding – I think that’s definitely part of the point of the passage.
As a woman in her early twenties and is preparing to be a wife soon I totally love this interpretation! You’re so right, the Proverbs 31 woman is very intimidating and while I definitely know many women who resemble her its also hard to imagine them being anything less than what they are currently. Reading this really shows me the process of how to become that Proverbs 31 woman.
I am so glad you were able to get something out of it! It’s a favorite passage of mine for sure. I’m hoping as we all read and interpret it together that it keeps getting more accessible!
I really loved this post. I just recently got saved and I’m trying to learn what is pleasing in God’s eyes, and I think I’m having a hard time with the “submissive” part. One day when I get married I definitely want to support my husband, but I guess I just don’t understand why he has to “be the head of the household.” I’m joking the marines soon and my boyfriend have talked about where we may move when I’m out. I love a place and he isn’t so sure. We definitely need to find someplace we agree on, but I don’t understand why just because he is a male, he is supposed to be the one to make the executive decisions.
Thank you, Jasmine! I hear you on the submission. Something that’s encouraging to me is that there are scriptures that speak to husbands respecting their wives and wives loving their husbands, and vice versa. I also lovedddd this post from Simple Moments Stick on “What Submission Isn’t” that I felt like was super helpful too! I wouldn’t say my husband makes all the decisions for our family – we definitely trust each other and work together. I think at the end of the day, he’s more of the tie breaker 🙂 But as we both seek to please God, he makes decisions with me in mind and for the best of our family, so we don’t usually have a problem!
You know what? It doesn’t have to be that way. My husband is NOT the head of the household, and I DO resemble the Proverbs 31 woman. If you don’t want to submit, don’t! Mutually respect each other instead. It’s all about what YOUR husband needs. God chose your husband for YOU. My husband personally needs someone to lead him in the ways of the Lord. That’s why God brought me to him. Maybe that’s what your husband needs too. It’s all for the two of you to decide for yourselves and pray about. I am the spiritual leader of our household because that’s what my husband needs; because I’m the one who led him to Christ. That’s what God created woman for. To be the “help meet”. Which actually means: “In Hebrew the two words that “help meet” are derived from are the words “ezer” and the word ‘k’enegdo”.
Ezer which is commonly translated as “help” is really a rich word with a much deeper meaning. In her book Eve and the Choice Made in Eden, Beverly Campbell explains,
“According to biblical scholar David Freedman, the Hebrew word translated thee into English as “help” is ezer. This word is a combination of two roots, one meaning “to rescue”, “to save,” and the other meaning “to be strong.” Just as the roots merged into one word, so did their meanings. At first ezer meant either “to save” or “to be strong,” but in time, said Freedman, ezer “ was always interpreted as ‘to help’ a mixture of both nuances.””
Woman was NOT created to be submissive. That’s just what the men of the time wanted. Ask God what you’re supposed to do at this time.
Ooh, I’m so glad you brought this up! I mean that absolutely genuinely. (It can be hard to tell through type.) ::rubs hands together:: This is a topic I have thought about and studied out so much more recently, and I think it deserves more than this blurb I posted years ago, so thank you for bringing it up. I absolutely agree with how you brought up “ezer” and its definition. It even more beautifully describes our role in our relationships at home. I think both definitions apply. Why couldn’t a helper be strong, rescue, or save? And even in the wording, “help meet”, and the use of it in Genesis, when Adam could not find any being worthy of working together with him, on his level, a partner – I think this all implies equality in value and worth.
Also I love that you led your husband to Christ. 1 Peter 3:1-6 talks about that. It takes a woman of strong character and faith to help her husband to know Christ, to be an example to him, to share her faith with him.
However, I stand by the term submissive, and it being part of our role as women. Since you bring up “ezer,” it’s good to remember that while it is used to describe women, even the first woman, it’s also used 16 (!) times in the Bible to describe GOD. From that point alone, it’s clear that “helper” does not mean “doormat” or “subordinate”. God’s help to us is powerful, strong, above and beyond., and does not require assistance of his own.
I fear that when you read the word “submissive,” you might have assumed I meant, “subservient” or maybe someone who always takes the backseat, is only there to do menial tasks, and doesn’t have an opinion. I disagree. As an equal partner, equally valued and loved by God, equally saved (Galatians 3:26-29), we play an important and powerful role in our families and households.
Ephesians 5:21-33 goes in depth about our roles in our households. Notice the first line is “submit to ONE ANOTHER out of reverence for Christ” (NIV). We submit to each other. We as women are specifically called to the exact same thing (it’s not a new phrase or teaching) in the next paragraph. I think it’s important to note that it’s not as though the women are being asked to step down or do something different than was already commanded, but if you’ll notice, men are being asked to take on more responsibility for his household and his family (in that paragraph, verses 22-25). Not only that, but in the following paragraph, he gets an additional responsibility – to love his wife, to care for her as he cares for himself.
All of this to say – the Bible isn’t telling women to sit on the sidelines until called, but rather to rise to the challenge of being just as powerful, just as valuable and worthy, but also to keep from creating disunity in the relationship or causing a power struggle. The orderliness of roles in this relationship reflects the relationship of Christ and the church – the church is described as brothers and sisters to Christ, just as valued and loved, but supporting his mission, not our own. Also, God and Jesus – Jesus “did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.” No one would call Jesus a doormat or subservient. He is equal to God. But imagine Jesus doing his own thing, quarreling with God, or telling God how it’s going to be. It doesn’t work.
I don’t know if you’ll end up seeing this comment, but I truly hope you don’t leave with the thought that women are meant to be mindless attendants to their husbands. I’d love to follow this up with a true blog post. Again, thank you, genuinely, for bringing it up.
I really enjoyed the breakdown of this passage! I’ve been obsessed with what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman for a while, and reading about how others interpret it and what others know about it definitely keeps it fresh.
About the city gate-I don’t have one either. But I’ve always seen that part of the passage as saying that a Lady of the Lord, if she is married or even dating, has a partner that is well respected at the ultimate city gate, or heaven. She has a man in her life who loves the Lord and passionately pursues him so that the Lord calls him brother and friend.
Thank you for the post!God bless you.
Thank you so much! I would love to hear about some more resources on this topic. I think it can be greatly misunderstood. And I think you make such a great point about the woman’s husband. He is respected for his character, which I would only assume means that he follows God. It is a great point to be “picky” in choosing who you date or marry 🙂
What a great post! You’ve drawn out some qualities I hadn’t identified before- specifically “eager.” Isn’t it interesting how different translations shed a new light on the same passages? My friend shared your post with me because she was reading my book, which is a compilation of commentaries from different women on many of these qualities. Perhaps the book can be a blessing to you and your audience.
Thank you so much! I will have to take a look at your book!
More biblical BS being rewritten in an attempt to apply it to more knowledgeable and progressive times. It’s not okay to own servants regardless of the “portion” you allow them to eat. Submissive is not positive or good. Look up the definition. You can rewrite the bible, as has been done by men over and over. It’s not the word of God. It’s the word if men. It’s used to serve them and control others. I feel very sorry for women who read such fairy tales and attempt to live their lives by it.
I feel sorry for women who feel the need to troll the internet and judge others based on their religious beliefs! If you knew you didn’t agree, why did you read in the first place? A servant girl in this context wasn’t a slave, she was a PAID babysitter or housekeeper who could leave at anytime. And I think submission is misunderstood…would you feel better if it said to be respectful? Because that is how I understand it; it doesn’t mean to be a doormat or to be okay with abuse. Lastly, I’d encourage you to do your homework on where the Bible came from. You don’t have to believe it is the Word of God, but their are multiple source documents in the original languages, so it was not rewritten multiple times. You seem to be very angry and bitter so I hope you find opportunity to explore the source of those feelings and seek healing.
I’m sorry you feel that way, and for whatever in your background has led you to have such a negative experience with God and the Bible. I won’t, however, apologize for the scriptures and how they are worded. It’s interesting that you are offended by the Bible as being written by men, used to control women, but you go to the definition of submissive, as written by men, to contradict it. Our current definition of submissive is what the world has made it to be in this day and age. All of the positive attributes of this woman show that she was no doormat. Women in the Bible judged the nation (Deborah), approached kings to save their people and their households (Esther and Abigail), and even supported Jesus financially in his ministry (Luke 8). These women were no doormats. No one expects them to “meekly obey” or “be passive” as our current definition tells it. What submissive means here, I truly believe, is that there is no power struggle in the household, no back and forth between the husband and the wife over who has the final say. I believe the husband respects his wife and her opinion, and the wife trusts her husband’s judgment. Call that what you will. Also, if this is a fairy tale, I fail to see the damsel in distress. This woman is hard-working, disciplined, and responsible.
Well done!! I like how clearly you laid out each quality of the proverbs 31 woman and brought clarity and relevance to each of them. Thank you so much!!
I didn’t read through all the comments but many of them and I didn’t see this: submission. It does get a bad wrap and I love that you said it even describes Jesus. Submission is a choice, putting my will aside. That’s why it is used to describe Jesus. He submitted to the Father when He set aside heaven to come to earth and live as us and die for us. His WHOLE life was in submission to the Father. When I (personally speaking) look at submission this way its not offensive to me to be told by God to submit to my husband; because its a choice. My choice. My husband was a choice and submitting to him is a choice. It reminds me of my example Jesus who was obedient to the Father even unto death. For me when I now see submission to my husband as something Jesus lived out every day, so why shouldn’t I?
I will say this word IS offensive because it HAS been used to make women feel like they should endure physical and emotional abuse. That isn’t what God wants for His children. However I think we jump to these examples then disregard the ways we can choose to put aside our own will in our marriages to bring glory to God. Like Jesus did when He put heaven aside to die for us,.
This might be the best explanation of submission I’ve ever read! It has become something that makes people straight up angry, for the reasons you mentioned. But when you look at how Jesus sets the example for us, never asking us to do something he didn’t do first, it makes all the difference. Thank you so much for sharing.
hi there
I am Tshina and I have developed an organisation for women called pioneer women forum, based on proverbs 31 women and I am just impressed that there is a women like your self out there inspiring the others like your self. Keep on doing the good job.
Wow, that’s awesome, girl! I’m hoping as we shed more light on the P31 woman, she becomes a little less intimidating and a little more goals for life. So encouraged by your words. Thank you so much.
I loved reading your insight on this popular passage.
I wrote my own interpretation a few years ago. Check it out!
Blessings to you!
Thank you! Always good to get more perspective!