letting my toddler splash in the tub: learning to pick my battles as a mom

The other day, I lost it.

I had been attempting to wash my little guy’s hair in the tub, but he just wasn’t having it. He kept standing up and leaning over the edge playfully, or splashing water at me. He was more interested in the toys, the soap bottles, the faucet, anything but me and my cup full of water trying to rinse his hair. I was sitting him down, grabbing toys before they fell on the floor, moving the bottles out of his grasp, and trying to get some shampoo onto his head. I didn’t even realize I was yelling until the words were out of my mouth.

“What are you DOING?! Would you please just SIT DOWN?!”

I was surprised at myself. What was I yelling at my toddler about? I had just put him in the tub, and he was excited. He was barely used to the water before I was trying to corral him so I could wash his hair, and he loves playing in the bath. Why couldn’t I give him a minute to play before getting down to the business of getting him clean? It’s not like we were in a rush.

The yelling didn’t phase him, but it stopped me in my tracks. Was it really worth me getting upset over? The bath continued, and of course, he eventually sat down and let me wash his hair.

It’s just a piece of one big lesson I’m learning. Another example is when he tries to go forward down stairs, grabbing for my hand, when I’ve been trying to get him to go backwards, so he can do it himself. Or when he stands still at the door even when I’ve called him a couple times to come get his shoes on.

The most convenient thing for me would be for him to do what I say, right when I say it. But it doesn’t usually happen that way. Welcome to life as a parent.

What I’m learning, though, is to pick my battles; to choose carefully the things I will correct him on, and the things I’ll let slide. Splashing in the tub is one thing. Sure, the floor and I are both drenched, but at the end of the day, no one is hurt. He settles down. Life goes on.

The things I get serious about are the dangers. Walking around the tub when it’s slippery, and he can fall. Reaching for an exposed outlet. Running away from me when we’re out in public. Those are the things I deal with seriously, stopping him, looking him straight in the eye, and saying “no!” Then we try again.

When I pick my battles, it leaves me room to breathe when things aren’t going conveniently. It means that I can let those things go, and that I don’t have to be so uptight about a little water on the floor. And he takes me seriously when I call him out for the serious things.

And when he listens, we celebrate. The other day, he was toddling back and forth through the house, carrying the strings to a couple balloons that were trailing along behind him. But he wanted to eat. I told him he had to go in the dining room and let go of the balloons. To my amazement, he stepped into the room, went to the corner, and released the balloons to the ceiling. He got two high fives and a couple cookies for that.

Who knows if this is the best method? I used to think there was obeying and there wasn’t obeying, and that not obeying was always cause for a rebuke, if not a punishment. But to live like that – to really enforce that rule every single time – is draining and makes us both cranky. Whereas when I let things go, I find he responds even better when I need to get serious with him. And then he always surprises me with the times when he listens and understands.

I’m still in the early stages as a mom, and I know I have a lot to learn. Part of parenthood is figuring out what works best for your child and your situation and you, and it’s different for everyone. But I’m sure there will be lots of battles – I just want to make sure I win the important ones.

What things have you learned to let go of as a mom? (Disciplinary or non)