dear moms in summer - you don't have to be high energy all the time

Yesterday I woke up with a question that made me feel significant pressure. I wouldn’t say anxiety. But it was a sense of strong purpose, an alertness and a drive I wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

The question that drummed up these feelings: What should we do today?

Instantly my mind was racing.

I wonder who’s around for a playdate.

Is it hot enough for the splash pad?

Which playgrounds haven’t we visited yet?

What errands do I need to run today?

How can I make our to-do list into an educational activity?

It’s summer, the days when our kids get off the school bus, drop their backpacks, and don’t get back in study mode until August or September. For most families, it’s a welcome relief from graduation after awards ceremony after scrimmage after school play after spring concert.

And then the question sinks in.

What will we do?

I’ll confess – two things about this question scare me into an inevitable conclusion.

First, those two little words: “I’m bored!!” My kids haven’t quite learned that terminology yet, but they somehow know the drill – the whiny voice, the slumped shoulders, a declaration that there isn’t ANYTHING for them to do. (Except watch TV, of course.)

And second, those looks that I will probably get from the teacher at back-to-school night in the fall. The one that says, “we know your child did nothing educational this summer. And no, watching Blaze and the Monster Machines doesn’t count.”

(I’m working on my people-pleasing, but old habits die hard, people.)

So in conclusion, I jump to fill my kids’ days with every fun activity, summer camp, playdate, free event, adventure, and experience I can come up with. I feel slightly panicked when something isn’t planned for the day.

This isn’t even my personality.

If I stop and take inventory, I am just not the kind of person with the stamina to face a thoroughly packed day.

I’m an introvert, so I recharge in my alone time.

My social anxiety is less lately, but still crops up around a large group of people, and it can be overwhelming.

I’m not a planner, and my days usually just end up being spontaneous.

But hold up – do we even want our kids to grow up this way?

Mamas, what was it like when you were growing up? For me, I remember having my Barbies go on fabulous adventures with detailed storylines. I remember building forts in the woods and playing a tame form of street hockey with no rules. TV was around, sure. But after Saved by the Bell was over, it would go off, and we would go outside.

The best kind of play was the unstructured kind, the kind without parents hovering. When imagination went wild, the clouds became animals in a parade, my friends and I sang karaoke on our little microphones attached to tape players.

Studies show that kids thrive on unstructured play. That they have everything they need in the fewest and simplest of toys. They are hardwired to enjoy the world around them and to figure out life through play.

I’m pretty sure your childhood self will even tell you it’s okay not to over-plan and over-entertain.

So, mamas, the pressure is off.

Let’s come down off the lofty notion that we can and should entertain our kids every moment. Let’s embrace those low-key times, and do the high-energy thing when we can.

Obviously supervision is still key, especially with small kids like mine. And by all means, don’t stifle your own creativity with the things you want to do with your kids. Plan those trips and events and activities during the summer you can’t do all year. Take advantage of fun events offered as the days get longer and the temperature warmer.

But also – it’s okay to have calm moments and even whole days.

Let your kids surprise you at the ideas they come up with, the pictures they draw, the plot lines they make up. Slow down and see the world through their eyes a little bit more – the magic that they see so clearly, and the small details we can miss.

Enjoy your summer. You’ll be surprised at the moments that happen in between all the big plans.