what happens when you overcome lies about God in your life

 

At the end of this month, it will have been 19 years since I made Jesus Lord of my life.

 

And over most of that time, I have believed so many lies about God.

 

I have believed that promises of the Bible apply to everyone except me.

…that guilt is bigger and more powerful than grace.

…that God still loves me when I sin…but a little less. 

And when I do, he shakes his head, rolls his eyes, and begrudgingly gives me another chance. 

 

It’s only been over the past year and a half or so that I’ve started confronting these lies. I’ve been getting help. I’m speaking the lies I believe, acknowledging them, and learning to challenge them with scripture. 

I am starting to see myself through eyes of grace and love. I’ve never thought to question my inadequacy. I just believed that’s how I am – lacking, unusual, odd, deficient, pathetic, less-than.

 

Also, I’ve seen God in such a worldly way. Almost as though he is some demanding boss that I am constantly inconveniencing with my mess-ups, rather than a doting Father.

 

What a difference. To be coming from a place of acceptance and abundance, instead of fear and failure. The lies had been keeping me down, unable to see clearly to fight back. 

You would think it would be easy – to believe and accept you are loved. Isn’t it a good feeling? Shouldn’t it be like leaping onto a soft, warm bed, simply feeling familiar and comfort? 

 

Instead, it feels like a battle to be close to God. I feel more distant from him, not closer. Why does it seem so hard to just be loved?

The song Reckless Love by Cory Asbury came on. It’s a song that regularly makes me tear up – a song about the incredible affection and desire God has for us. 

 

But that day it makes me cry for another reason. I hear these lyrics:

 

 

Oh.

The lies I have been building are causing problems that are two-fold. Not only are they keeping me from seeing the real God, but they have become a wall around me, one that’s tall and thick. I used to think it was protecting me, but it is actually cutting off my air. 

 

Then in comes God. He is dismantling this wall of lies. I imagine him desperately, recklessly smashing down this wall, tearing it to pieces with his bare hands, or hitting it with a sledgehammer.

 

Of course.

 

Of course I feel far from him. This wall is keeping us apart, keeping me from God. And he is doing everything he can to come after me. It changes my whole perspective. It helps me feel close to him again.

I don’t know if you struggle with insecurities and fears that feel like they are taking you over. I’m not sure if you see yourself as valuable or enough. I don’t know if you feel close to God, or far from him.

 

I do know that God is a father who can’t stand to be separate from us. That he views you and me with absolute adoration. And that he will go to any length to break down the walls that divide and the lies that crush us.