to my firstborn, before the new baby arrives

To my firstborn child,

Everything is about to change.

You can currently point to my stomach and say “little brother”. You’ve been with me to see the doctor and hear a heartbeat. And you have seen a real live “new baby” like the one we’ll be bringing home soon. But you really have no idea what’s about to happen.

You’re going to be an incredible big brother; I already know that. You won’t know what to do with yourself when you meet him. You’ll be so glad to have a friend around constantly. You’ll probably hug him and talk to him like one of your stuffed animals, not to mention try to drag him around with you like one, too. (We won’t let you get too far with that.)

But what makes me sad is that someday, you won’t remember life before “little brother”. You won’t remember the weekends and nights where it was just the three of us – me, you, and Dada. You won’t recall all this time of being just my one little guy, my little buddy, who comes with me everywhere I go. Times when we have one-on-one time together will be special, rather than the norm.

I, on the other hand, will never forget my first two years of being a mama. Going from being fairly independent to having someone completely rely on you matures you really fast. Dealing with problems and emotions and fears you’ve never faced hits you like a ton of bricks.

And then there’s the whole aspect of having a little one look at you like you hang the stars at night. I don’t know what I did to deserve seeing your face light up every morning when I open the door to your room. (Maybe it was carrying you for nine months, delivering you, and then taking care of you every day since. Maybe it was that. I’ll be sure to bring it up later in life so you can decide for yourself.)

You’re just not going to be the only one anymore. Our attention will be divided in half. I don’t know how you’ll react to that. In some ways, I feel more loyal to and defensive of you, because you’re the first and I know you so well. It’s silly, but I feel like it’s not fair to you to have to share your dad and me.

But luckily, I hear that while the attention divides, the love just doubles. What I keep trying to remind myself is that this new baby is a puzzle piece from God that will fit our family just right. And if one little guy like you could make all the difference to us, what will two do? How much more amazing will our family be with a new little person in the mix? We’ll find out soon.

Just know that you’re my first, even though you’re not my only anymore. Know that you gave me an amazing gift, a role that has changed me completely, and helped me grow up in a lot of ways. Know that our time together, just you and me, is a time I’ll always cherish. And that we’re lucky to be able to add even more love and sweet moments to our household soon.

Love,

Mama