modesty does not equal shame

This post is also entitled: the one about the swimsuit, part two. Because Friday I put out a blog post with me in a swimsuit, and I’m still thinking about it. (Gratefully, I don’t think anyone else is like I am.)

In fact, I’m also still anxious about that post, even though it’s already out there. I keep wondering – what if people think I’m trying to be sexy or draw attention to myself? What will people say? 

Then this weekend, I attended a bridal shower. I wore a dress that left my collarbone and shoulders exposed. And again, all of the thoughts: what do people think? Are people looking down on me for wearing this? 

It took me a little while to realize it. But there was someone I was leaving out of the whole equation.

The dress. Looking more confident than I was feeling.

Where is God?

In all my insecurity, I wasn’t stopping to consider God’s opinion. I was coming from a place of shame, as if that’s where modesty is grounded. 

Whoa. That is not okay.

Because – does God want us to feel shame? Does he put us in situations specifically so we can feel ashamed? Does he laugh at our discomfort, or smugly look on as we start to get the picture?

That is not who God is. The God I know created this body of mine. His works are wonderful, we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139), he rejoices over us (Isaiah 62). 

Shame is a byproduct of this fallen world.

In Genesis 2:25 NIV, we see that Adam and Eve were naked in the garden of Eden, “and they felt no shame.” It’s only after the events early in Genesis 3 that they become a little too aware.

They become ashamed, along with other consequences of the fall, like insecurity, desiring to please people, working hard with little reward, and from my observation, seeking those rewards elsewhere (leading to things like lust, greed, selfishness). 

So many verses set our experience with God and his characteristics against shame and disgrace. The two are not compatible. For example:

• Psalm 22:5 NIV – “To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.”
• Proverbs 3:35 NIV – “The wise inherit honor, but fools get only shame.”
• Isaiah 50:7 NIV – “Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore I have set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame.”

And oh so many more. All you need to do is look up “shame” in the Bible – almost every verse shows God OR shame, God VERSUS shame. Shame comes without God.

Modesty is a Godly quality. 

The two places in the Bible that actually use the word modesty, at least in the New International Version, are the following:

• 1 Timothy 2:9 – “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” 
• 1 Corinthians 12:23b-24a – “And the parts [of the body] that are presentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment.” [words added for context]

Both of these examples pair modesty with honor, with being set apart, with good things. Even in the first example, which can be a bit controversial in our day and age, it’s not putting down those other adornments as shameful necessarily, but encouraging women to let their good deeds shine the most. 

So where do we get modesty wrong?

We get it wrong when we incorporate shame, and I think I for one can do that two ways:

1. By believing that I need to be ashamed of my body or certain parts of it. In this instance, I become very insecure, worried about a stitch of clothing being out of place, and constantly wondering what people think. 
2. By using my own judgment and “rules” to attribute shame to certain styles of dress. Instead of making it about God, I make it completely about the rules, being so worried about “protecting modesty” that I’m not protecting people or pointing them towards God. 

Shame becomes a tool we use to make modesty happen, in either case. 

How can we look at modesty differently?

I was grateful to come across an Instagram post with this verse in it: “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” – Psalm 34:5 NIV (one of my favorite chapters in the Bible, by the way.)

THIS is going to be my new mantra scripture on the topic, as I discover my tendency to (wrongly) combine modesty and shame. 

Instead of making it about rules or worrying over what people think, I want to set my eyes on God. I want to rejoice about this body he gave me, this work of art, and walk confidently in it.

And at the same time, I will be careful about what I expose, because like it or not, there are standards for decency and propriety, post-Eden. And maintaining certain standards does bring glory to God. But those standards don’t have to make me feel small. 

What are your thoughts on modesty? This is still something I’m working out, so I’d love to hear what more people have to say. Thank you in advance for your kind, non-judgmental words 😉