So this week, I had an epiphany. An epiphany in the form of my husband telling me something completely new to me.
It starts like this: I’m going about my day, enjoying story time with my little. We’re hanging out with friends and making crafts. I’m sleepy, but happy to be there. And then I innocently check my email, and find one that makes my whole body tense. It’s a bit of a conflict I have to deal with, which could have potential negative consequences.
My whole mood instantly shuts down. Every time my thought drifts from it, I think of the conflict and get anxious again. My body remains tense; lungs breathing shallow; and stomach in knots. I try to logically think myself off the edge, but it doesn’t help.
And then for the rest of the day, I get anxious about not only that, but other things. My toddler doesn’t take naps anymore – do I need to crack down on his sleep schedule? My baby won’t stop crying – what am I doing wrong? Everything becomes an opportunity for failure and more fear.
Long story short, I get in contact with the right person, and it’s actually not a big deal, just like my logical brain had already worked out, and I can breathe again. I relay this information to my husband, with whom I had a conversation earlier about the whole situation.
“Is something wrong with me?” I ask. “Why do I react so strongly?” I’m starting to think I should probably talk to a counselor, until he says this:
“Nothing is wrong with you. Everyone goes through this.”
Whaaaat?
He proceeds to tell me about his own experiences with conflict and anxiety. And suddenly, I feel a little more power. So I’m not the odd one out. And like many people, I’m probably a lot more able to handle problems than I think in the moment. Why this is an epiphany for me, I don’t know; but let me tell you, it’s a relief to hear.
It’s about grit, James says; about discovering that “people can’t eat you.” As a believer in God and his Word, I know the right answer is to say that God is bigger and more powerful than people. But I don’t really believe that – you can see it in my life. I am far more fearful of what people think about me and can do to me.
I’m fighting it, though. I don’t want to live like that. It leaves me imprisoned to other people, constantly anxious instead of free and at peace like God wants me to be. As I go, I’m running into more and more Bible verses that help me see him a little more clearly, and focus on people a little less. Here are a few scriptures that help:
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4:18 (NIV)
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? – Psalm 56:3-4 (ESV)
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame…The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. – Psalm 34:4-5, 7 (ESV)
So how do you face fear? What helps you conquer your fears and anxieties in the moment, and help you to have peace? Do you have any scriptures or advice for me?
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