3 unexpected steps to start tackling insecurity

Insecurity, I’ve come to realize, is just something I will always battle.

The voice in my head that tells me to back down or choose fear is usually louder than the one that says I have something to be confident about.

But an encouraging note – lately I am having more victories against insecurity, which is amazing.

Like anything in life that takes work, there are ups and downs. But slowly, surely, I am taking steps toward growing stronger in my confidence and self-esteem.

Here are 3 mindset changes that are helping me fight my insecurity.

1. STOP using absolutes about yourself.

In relationships, many say you shouldn’t use absolutes in your conversations, and especially your fights. Things like, “you never help me anymore” or “you’re the worst listener”.

It’s because absolute statements are rarely true, and even if they are, it’s kind of hard to prove.

Do you ever notice that you can ignore that advice about yourself? A few months ago, I shared about one of the extreme lies I can believe about myself.

Here are some other ones:

I’m the worst mother ever.

I’m always the one left out.

I will never change.

When it comes to tackling insecurity, start here, with the biggest, baddest lies. Combat them by grounding yourself in reality. Take out the “never”, the “always”, the “worst” – and find what’s really true.

I’m doing my best.

My friends love me and accept me.

I am growing every day.

2. Speak affirmations to yourself, like you might to someone else.

It sounds perfectly normal to say to someone, “you’re doing a great job. Don’t give up! Look how far you’ve come.”

Then it comes to you, and if you’re like me, you’re way more likely to say something mean and untrue.

You’re the oddball in the room.

Who cares what you think?

You’re a failure.

But the mind is a powerful place. If it can believe terrible things about yourself, things that often aren’t true, it can also be trained to believe the good things, the true things.

It might seem awkward at first. But learning to speak kindly to yourself is a huge way to battle insecurity. Some of the affirmations I say to myself recently are as simple as:

You belong here as much as anyone else.

You’re opinion counts.

You are strong and you’ve come so far.

As small and obvious as those statements might be, they are helpful in shaping how I view the situation. (Here’s a whole list of positive daily affirmations to help you get started!)

3. Give yourself permission.

Brené Brown talks about this in her book, Braving the Wilderness. She mentions a time when she wrote a permission slip for her daughter (something to do with school), and realized she could do the same thing for herself – literally writing herself a permission slip to be confident, or whatever the situation is.

I love that advice. Often I’m just waiting for someone to tell me that my actions, my opinions, or even my feelings are okay. In fact, I believe strongly in telling others that their feelings are valid – but I don’t do that for myself.

I’m starting to give myself “permission slips” to embrace things that I do. Consider permissions like:

It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling.

Give it a try.

You can say what you’re thinking.

***

Anything you notice about these steps?

They’re often things we encourage when it comes to approaching other people. But we treat ourselves like the exception to the rules.

Consider how you are worthy of permission and affirmation like anyone else.

Finally, take it one minute, one step, one deep breath at a time.

As many times as I have tried to fight insecurity, I can tell you that change doesn’t happen overnight. But every step forward is a victory, even if you do go backwards a bit, too.

What can you relate to in these steps? What helps you fight insecurity?