Lately I am digging deep into things. Heart things. Things like my insecurity and my fears of what people think and of conflict. (Broken record alert.) These things keep coming up in life, and I want to work through them once and for all.
But on the other hand, I want to do anything other than deal with them. Watch all the TV shows, shop, eat – whatever keeps me from having to deal with myself.
Also at this point I have a strong feeling of wanting to resist God. Like, don’t want to pray, don’t want to read, don’t want to talk about it, no, thank you.
You know what, though? I’m actually embracing this feeling of resistance, this stage of my relationship with him. Before you get all up at arms at me about my sacrilegiousness, here’s why:
First, any relationship worth having involves overcoming obstacles.
If I didn’t fight with my husband, my family, my friends – well, things wouldn’t be real, would they? People are imperfect, and conflict happens. We work through it, and come out stronger because of it. I think to know that God and I are going through something difficult means to me that the relationship is real, and worth fighting for.
On a similar note, it helps to look at this feeling as a symptom. It means something is going on at the heart level. Fevers and pain are the body’s way of telling us something is going on, and often when we deal with it, our body is that much better for it.
Second, it makes me realize Satan is trying to dig in his heels, which means I’m in a place to move closer to God.
Remember the snake in the Garden of Eden? His question to Eve was, “Did God really say…?” (Genesis 3) He springs on opportunities to divide us from God (Job 1). He whispers lies because they’re his native tongue (John 8:44). So if he’s working hard to make me feel distant from God, it means I’m in a position to get closer to God than ever before. It actually gives me hope.
Third, if I’m fighting to be closer to God, I know for sure he is fighting to be close to me too.
God’s mission (or his “ministry”) is reconciliation with us, and he went to unimaginable lengths to make it happen (2 Corinthians 5:16-21). He “longs to be gracious” to us and “rises to show you compassion” (Isaiah 30:18-19 NIV). His ears are “attentive to [our] cry” (Psalm 34:15 NIV). God doesn’t put us in a position to suffer just for fun; he hates to see us hurt. But he will allow us to struggle so that we can grow and know him better, giving him room to work.
Notice I said “feeling resistant to God” rather than “resisting God”. When we’re at a crossroads like this, we have a choice – run from God (and the challenge), or run towards him. Sometimes it’s all I can do to choke out a prayer. Everything in me says I just. Don’t. Want. To. But the good thing is, once I start, it gets better. The words pour out, the scriptures get found, the tears start, but I feel better after.
Finally, friends, I didn’t always feel like this. The minute a conflict came up between me and God, anxiety and guilt would take over. Does this mean I’m not a Christian? What’s wrong with me? Why am I not faithful enough? And on and on.
It’s taken times like these in my life (over and over) to realize that getting stirred up in my relationship with God is not a bad thing. It’s just a crossroads, and a closer, deeper relationship is waiting on the other side. It takes holding on for the ride, even if it’s inches rather than miles at first.
Do you ever feel resistant to God? What can you do to run towards him, rather than away?
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
I just found your blog tonight and I honestly wish all the posts I read were longer. They were exactly things I’m going through. God is using your ministry to help other believers. Never doubt it! Keep going!
Amber – I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this. Thank you so much. I do doubt all the time, and it always amazes me to hear that the words connect with someone other than me. Also, I guess I have permission to write really long posts now, so thank you for that too 😉
Wow thank you so much for sharing. I know it’s been a couple years since you wrote this but I stumbled on it today, after googling “why am I feeling resistant to God?” Sounds silly to google questions like these but I’m so glad I did because your words helped me feel seen and helped shift my perspective. Thank you!
That is SO encouraging to hear! It’s always uplifting to hear that someone relates – and it’s especially encouraging that it resonates years later <3 Sending a prayer that you can feel close to God again soon.
Omg this sounds just like me right now. Actually it’s been going on for several months now. Like since August of 2020. It’s hard for me to go to church to spend time with God. To not give into my own feelings and temptations. I feel like I resist spending time with God and going to church and listening to any kind of Bible teachings. I still live at home and my mom and dad who encourage me to keep going to not give up. They encourage me to go to church to pray and read the Bible. I just keep thinking to myself do what you need to do what you know is right which is following God instead of what you want to do. Even if my heart and my feelings are different right now I still need to keep going in the right direction. It just came over me last summer this feeling of reluctance and resistance. But it might be like you said it may just be growing pains. I hope so I certainly hope so. I talk with my parents which helps but I seem to be going through the same thing day in and day out. Does anyone know how long seasons like this last? Am I the only one? Is it me or is it Satan or is both together? And is it Satan playing on my weaknesses? I did come out of a stronghold last year and I really didn’t spend time cultivating a relationship with God but I always believed. I had been raised in a Christian home went to a Christian school and attended church. Maybe I’m having a hard time now because I’m trying to have a relationship with God which I’ve never really done before at least not habitually. And so my body and my mind feel uncomfortable in a way and wants to go back to it’s old ways. I think maybe that’s part of it. But I try to keep an open mind and pray a lot. I even have a hard time believing in the Bible and God and if it’s all true. Which is something that’s never happened to me before. Like I said I always believed. I don’t know. I just have to keep going I guess. Like I said I just keeping thinking about how it’s the right thing to do instead of how I feel. Not even sure if anything I said makes sense. And like you said I wonder if I’m saved.
Hey Sarah – thanks for reading and responding! Honestly, at this moment in time, I’m going through a season of this as well. I think for one thing, we can’t ignore the fact that things are just HARD right now. I’m not sure how it has been for you going through the pandemic and lots of turmoil right now. For me, I’m feeling lonely, emotional, deep in my thoughts, and fearful. And it can be hard to connect with God. God’s promises are what’s keeping me going right now. I think the Bible is clear on how to accept God’s grace and receive forgiveness of sins and salvation (and that’s another topic – feel free to email me if you want to talk more!) – so if we are in Christ, we are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17), filled with the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 1:22), made perfect (Hebrews 10:14), adopted (Ephesians 1:5), adored by our Father (Romans 8:37-39). If we keep going back to these promises, and constantly keep growing in spiritual disciplines, as we are able (2 Peter 1:5-9), then even in a time when we’re struggling, we can continue to grow and keep our eyes fixed on him. Hold on tight <3 Praying for you to feel close to God.
This just helped me so much. I googled why am I feeling resistant to God and I felt so guilty and like I was just losing my faith or something but this just helped so much. Thank you
I’m so glad to hear it was helpful, Ashley! I needed a reminder of this post today, because I feel a little that way as well. God is inviting you in, wrapping his arms around you, no matter the feelings that seem to get in the way. Sending a prayer that you feel close to him today and moving forward!
What a hope-filled & encouraging message! I definitely googled the topic as life throws difficulty at each of us sooner or later & can cause us to wonder about our faith.
Thank you for taking off the mask & sharing from your own personal experience… Any topic can be researched & expounded on BUT personal testimony has a much greater impact.
Too often it’s thought being a Christian means we don’t experience hardships or struggles, we know that simply isn’t true BUT because we choose God, we are gifted His grace & mercy (just to name a few), we can therefore make it through!
Again, thank you for being transparent; for sharing your struggle; how you kept holding on; & how you made it to through.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!
So grateful for your comment and this encouragement! I always say I love sharing my messy faith journey, with a goal of pointing others to Christ. It would be a total lie for me to come on here and say it’s always easy, always makes sense, always feels great. Thanks so much for visiting.