fighting comparison while in social isolation

We’re free from a lot of societal norms right now.

You’re probably not worrying about what your clothes look like. The no-makeup look is on trend right now. (Unless you have a video conference call, and honestly, maybe not even then.)

We aren’t encountering a lot of people in real life these days. If we do, it’s probably a lot of individuals we don’t know. And most of the time when we interact, we’re keeping a distance.

As someone who struggles with social anxiety, I’m finding a lot of my in-person fears aren’t being experienced right now. Like what the other mom at the park thinks of my parenting. Or if I’m stylish enough for the errands I’m running. (Sort of joking but also not.)

So why on earth would we be concerned about fighting comparison while in social isolation?

Because now most of our experience with other people is happening through social media. Which we all know only paints a small picture of a bigger story. But it can speak volumes and we can take it personally. 

I can wonder:

Are my opinions valid and good enough?

Are my talents and hobbies special and good enough?

Is what I’m doing with my kids exciting and educational and good enough? 

Is our family helpful and giving and good enough?

Do people think I’m likable and good enough?

Whoa – what’s the common theme there?

Even though I don’t have to worry about approval in real-life interactions, I’m desperately looking for it online. 

Friends are posting their new or polished hobbies, and getting likes and praise.

They’re posting activities they’re doing with their kids, and getting responses like, “Wow!” and “I need to try that!”

They’re posting their opinions and news facts and getting lots of interaction (positive and negative). 

And instead of listening to the wise words of Amy Poehler and saying, “Good for her, not for me” – I’m taking it personally. I’m taking it as a sign I’m not good enough. 

Social media becomes a source of validation, of guilt, of pressure, of jealousy. And I keep absorbing it, instead of fighting comparison. Fighting comparison frees me up to focus on connecting, gathering ideas, gathering and giving encouragement, and cheering others on.

You, friend, are getting a lot of noise right now. Push the pause button, and zero in on this message.

Embrace your pace.

You are going at your own speed, friend. Let go of the pressure to match someone else’s rate.

Embrace the pace of your everyday life.

An accomplished day looks a lot different right now for all of us. Count your victories. 

Mine include (but aren’t limited to) moving some today, creating some today, doing something around the house, prayer time, and making sure my kids laughed.

The what and the when and the how much aren’t important. That they happened is what counts.

Embrace the pace of your goals and dreams.

Right now there’s a lot of things on hold. And our everyday is enough to keep up with.

Don’t look at other people’s victories and dig a hole of shame or jealousy or panic. You might feel those things, but process them and let them go. Just because another person is accomplishing their goals right now does not limit you or make you less. 

We have a lot to process right now. Keep taking steps forward where you can, and don’t run your life on someone else’s timeline.

Embrace the pace of your personal wellness.

Some days I feel like I’ve got all this sorted out mentally and emotionally. I feel positive, confident, thankful, and hopeful. 

And some days I break down. I’m crying, screaming, or completely numb. The news catches up to me, and I fear for the future. Conspiracy theories and uncertainty threaten to overwhelm me.

We don’t have to speed past our feelings of discomfort, our anxieties, our fears, our disappointment – all in favor of how we appear to cope in crisis. We don’t have to be strong all the time. 

Feel free to process those emotions – to cry, to laugh, to work through anxieties. And don’t forget to take care of your mind, body, and soul when you can.

Embrace the pace of your family life.

Yes, I have a schedule and game plan worked out for our family, to keep sane. But does it look like that every day? Nope.

In fact, it varies from day to day. It’s more to give me a sense of what our pace looks like as a family and keeps me having ideas of things to do. 

Do we always have “school work” officially at 10 every day? No. Some days we need to be outside more than in. Some days the kids need to play on their own instead of sitting down to an organized activity. 

Do what works for you. Feel open and flexible about changing it every day, every hour if you need.

Dear friends, let’s not get caught up looking in the windows of someone else’s life.

Take a step back when you see something that frustrates you. We can accept and applaud other people’s victories and opinions without feeling threatened or taking it personally.

If you do feel a threat, you can use it to evaluate what makes you feel that way. We can take it to God, and see if he wants to use it for us to learn to let go, or to fuel us toward growth. 

Maybe take it as just the inspiration you need to try something new, or try harder. Or maybe instead, just turn off social media and look around. What do you have to appreciate and celebrate right here?

Whatever you’re doing, know that you are good enough to and because of the one who created you. He sees you and rejoices with you and cries with you. 

What about you?

What are your ways of fighting comparison – especially in this season where social media is such a big way of connecting?

For encouragement from my own messy and joyful everyday life, check out my Instagram. (And if you’re leaning more toward turning off social media, I’m not offended.)

Photo Credit:

1 – Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

2 – Lara Muller on Unsplash

3 – John Tuesday on Unsplash