church-raised, and things that helped me stay

There’s a serious breakdown happening in modern Christianity.

It’s a growing divide between millennials and church communities. Especially church-raised millennials.

More than 1/3 of millennials do not affiliate themselves with any faith. 56% of millennials call themselves Christians, even though 8 out of 10 say they are from a Christian home. (These statistics are from this CNN article.) And people are scrambling to figure out why.

As a Christian mom now, the next generation of faith weighs on my mind.

I want to introduce my kids to my faith, and a loving, compassionate, and steadfast Creator. It is my hope that they will choose to follow God themselves someday, because I believe it is the most fulfilling, purposeful life.

I’m also one of the minorities in those statistics. I am a church-raised millennial that is still a Christian.

I can feel the gap as I read article after article on my newsfeed about why millennials are leaving, often posts from friends who no longer claim Christianity. Here’s a couple: 12 Reasons Millennials are OVER Church, and Want Millennials Back in the Pews? Stop Trying to Make Church Cool.

It’s been about two decades that I’ve been a disciple of Jesus. That, plus these recent statistics, are making me consider why I maintain my relationship with God after all these years, and stay with the same beliefs as when I was growing up a church-raised kid.

I’m sharing those with you today, but with some prefaces:

First, the points in the above articles are so valid and people need to hear them. This is a response to those articles, but not out of disagreement or disdain. Not for the people writing the posts, and not for the people sharing them, either.

Next, and this is important – please don’t take the following as hard-and-fast rules that will save your kids or your teen ministry.

Jesus is “the author and perfector of our faith” (Hebrews 12). God is the one who “makes things grow” (1 Corinthians 3).

There IS NO WAY to MAKE your teen fall in love with God. These are simply things I know were helpful for me.

In fact, our imperfections bring out God’s grace all the more clearly. My shortcomings, as well as the imperfect love of my friends and family in the church, helped lead me to God. Not doing things a “right” way.

That being said, here are some of my reasons for choosing Christianity as a church-raised kid:

Solid role models and mentors.

In my teens, I remember women taking me under their wing, letting me tag along on campus with them, taking me for coffee, and welcoming me into their lives. When they did, I saw women who were living joyfully and with freedom, which I wanted in my life, instead of the duty and guilt I often felt. It spurred me on to learn more about the God that made those things possible.

Meeting friends from all over.

My parents made it possible for me to attend every camp, every teen event, every service project they could. They drove me through traffic, paid or contributed to the fees, adjusted their schedules. And to this day, the friends I made in those places continue to inspire and encourage me. They are some of my best friends.

Having room to question and doubt.

I had the resources available to me, plus positive attitudes and responses, that allowed me to wonder. It helped me figure out where I stand and gave me depth in my relationship with God.

Parent-led family priorities.

It was an expectation of my parents’ that we not choose activities conflicting with church times, and that unless sick or otherwise physically unable to make it, we all attend. It showed me the value my parents had for church, when they themselves didn’t let anything get in the way of church either.

Also, character and effort were prioritized over talents and grades. I was never forced to get straight As or stay with the same activities if I didn’t like them. But they did expect I fulfill my commitments and try my best. Those things showed me that my character was more valuable than my achievements.

Seeing vulnerability.

In my parents, in teen leaders, in friends. In fights, I experienced my parents apologizing to me (even though it was likely much more my fault). I had teen leaders be (cautiously and appropriately) open with me about their own real struggles, with things like former eating disorders and depression.

Depth, not trends.

I’m noticing a current trend of sermons with movie clips, churches hyping up social media, and other “cool” things like that. There’s nothing wrong with being relatable – but are we trying too hard here?

We had a few events that were meant to appeal to teens and all, but mostly? Real sermons, real lessons, real Bible studies, real discipleship times. More than just spiritual milk (1 Corinthians 3). Depth makes a difference. Church-raised kids are smart enough to know when people are just trying to appeal to them. I’m glad my teen ministry allowed me to grapple with the scriptures and with my own sinful nature.

Family love.

Growing up in the church means I have so many “bonus” mamas, dads, sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews that are truly family to me. People that have known me most of my life, and people who are more recent in my life.

The Bible says, “by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another,” (John 13:35). The darkest times in my life, times when I was struggling to figure out what I believed about everything, this is one of the things I held onto.

This is my experience.

I hope it’s helpful to know for those attempting to understand this generation a little better. But please, read the articles above what I wrote, and consider them. Again, the points being brought up for discussion now are good ones, and need addressing.

We need to be stronger in our love for those in need, we need to stop worrying about church being cool enough, and we need to be trustworthy in the important things. And so much more.

Millennials, I also hope you don’t completely give up on church because you see a lack of these things. The church will always be full of imperfect people, but a church community is part of Jesus’s call and plan for us.

The church can be an incredible source of support and encouragement, and it helps continue to build faith and “work out our salvation”. And churches need you to fight for what is right, to “not let people look down on you, but set an example” (1 Timothy 4:12, NIV).

How about you?

What is your experience with millennials and the church? If you’re church-raised, how has that affected your walk with God? What are your thoughts? (Please be kind and keep an open mind.)

Photo Credit:

1 – Bethany Laird on Unsplash

2 – Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

3 – Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash