I’m sorry for my recent absence lately. This photo represents basically how this past week has been. A storm cloud has rolled in on my fantastic new job opportunity to intern with an event planning company – a few clouds, actually, but one in particular that is leaving me reeling and with quite a bit more responsibility than I intended.
This is new for me to share, so bear with me. For much of my life and especially the past few years, I’ve been living with a serious case of anxiety. Most people do, I understand, but this is to the point that it takes a physical toll – as in, very realistic dreams about things that I’m anxious about in real life, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep (hence this 3 o’clock in the morning post), trouble breathing, body aches and tension, and panic attacks.
This situation has left me feeling like I’m walking around with a weight on my chest. The anxiety just won’t go away.
When I changed my blog name to “What You Make It”, it was because I wanted to change my attitude about life – that I was not “just stuck” in situations, but that God has put me in this stage and place in my life with intention and purpose. Instead of complaining about the things I didn’t like, I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity I’ve been given and make life an awesome adventure. I can see how pessimistic I was, taking something that really wasn’t a bad situation and being disgruntled. Since then, I’ve taken a much more hands-on approach to life, and things have been a great deal more adventurous.
Now I see that the name still applies, but in a different way.
Sometimes you really happen to find yourself in challenging situations where you, like me, may desperately think, “I didn’t sign up for this!” That’s when, again, life is what you make it. You can truly look at the hand you’ve been dealt and just think it’s the end of the world – or you can trust that God has your best in mind and make the best of the situation until you can see just what he has in store.
So that’s where I am right now. I’m working on positive thinking, and while I do that, I’m going to be working on finding ways to manage my stress – things I will happily share with you, since I have no doubt that I’m just one of many who deals with strong anxiety. And I’m definitely still seeking God in all this. I can already see how he’s working to refine those stubborn imperfections in my character, like people pleasing, a lack of confidence, and fear instead of faith.
To be on the cheesy side, it’s a new day, the sun is shining (so to speak – it’s still dark here), and I’m choosing to be optimistic about what it’ll bring.
So per our FB conversation I came over here and read this… I'll be thinking about you! Keep me posted on all the drama and such! You've got this! And you're right! It is definitely hands-on experience!