Something occurred to me the other day. I was checking my email for the zillionth time, waiting for a specific message in my inbox. Not seeing it, I decided to put my phone down and not look at it for the next hour, tops. Five minutes later, without even thinking about it, I found myself squinting at my email on my phone. No new ones – surprising, right?
This is a fairly normal occurrence for me, in different ways –
– Trying to pay attention at church, but really waiting for the teacher from children’s ministry to get me again because my baby is screaming (you should see how fast my neck whips around when anyone comes in the room).
– Saying I’m not upset about an insensitive (usually unconscious) comment someone made, and then fuming over it five, ten minutes, an hour later.
– Playing with the baby after a long day, but constantly glancing out the window to see if my husband is home from work, so he can take baby duty for five minutes.
– Being given multiple options, and then obsessing over which one is the right choice. (Like diaper bags. I totally did this with diaper bags.)
I’m guilty of all of these and more.
The definition of “discipline” is training oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way. What comes to mind is usually physical training, or teaching children to be obedient, or being efficient at work or in school. Basically, doing something for a desired outcome.
But I’m discovering that it takes an immense amount of discipline for me to do absolutely nothing, to let things go, to give no thought or care to the end result. There are so many things I cannot control in life. But it doesn’t stop me from doing everything I can to manipulate the situation and at least try to get some semblance of the outcome I want.
It’s why I get short with my husband when he hasn’t done the dishes (even though I never told him I wanted him to do the dishes). It’s why I’m up worrying in the middle of the night about something that happened earlier in the day when I know I should try to sleep. I simply can’t let things go until I get what I want, or at least some resolution.
Last week, someone made a comment about me through a message. The meaning wasn’t exactly clear, like it usually isn’t when you’re reading it instead of hearing it from a person standing in front of you. So I interpreted that it was meant to be negative, and was just furious. “How could she..?” “It wasn’t even my fault that…” “Fine, if she wants to be like that, then I’ll…” This isn’t even someone I know well!
Realizing I was falling into my normal pattern, I had to stop, take a deep breath, and metaphorically get myself down from the cliff, asking questions like, “What does this matter in the grand scheme of things?” and “Does her opinion, good or bad, really matter so much?”
I’m finding that it is a sign of growth and maturity to give yourself permission to move on. Not only that, but that it takes a discipline of the mind, and a change of perspective to let things go. Just as I work my physical muscles with my normal workout routine, I have to exercise my mental muscles (brain?) to let things go, starting with the small stuff (checking my email compulsively), and working up to the bigger (regrets and fears, especially as a mom). I have to reason with my unreasonable self until I’m thinking clearly. I have to stop worrying about the outcome, and let it go.
You knew where this was going, right?
How about you? Have you found that it takes discipline to stop something like it does to start something? What kinds of things do you have trouble letting go of?
I can relate. I have trouble letting things go too. I did the Beth Moore study on thessalonians and one thing she talks about is physically opening your fist and saying out loud ” I cannot control this.” It does help sometimes to literally do that.
Wow. It’s actually humbling to me to even think about saying that in those situations. I don’t want to admit it, I don’t even want to think it, but when it’s true, it’s true. I’ll have to check that study out!
Letting go just isn’t something I know how to do. Ok, ok. I do know how, but it’s so dang hard! I honestly never knew how hard that would be as an adult, ESPECIALLY in the little things like checking your email five hundred million times. This is an area I really need to work on. *sigh*
I am totally with you! I don’t even think it’s the checking of the email for me, it’s the anticipation that things will be different this time, and that I’ll get what I’m looking for. Maybe I just need to be okay with disappointment, or waiting! Sounds like we both will be working on it!
Haha, I love your gif! Let it go! Let it go!…that’s perfect. I too struggle with discipline. I’d love to stop constantly projecting. I need to stop focusing on the “what if’s” of the future and be more mindful of today.
Ha ha, I was writing this whole post with the song running in my head! 😉 “Projecting” is the perfect term! I would much prefer to be mindful and enjoy the moment than stressing about things that haven’t happened, or may not ever.
I believe letting go when I believe people have wronged me. I have to my a consicious decision to pray for them so my heart will change about whatever the situation my be. You are right, it takes discipline and it is something I have to work on daily.
Hey Jenn,
This is exactly what I’m learning right now, letting things go, fixing my mind on God’s principles, taking every thought captive. It is so stinking hard to obey in the moment! Love you
Thanks, Kasia! I keep getting the advice to take every thought captive…I think God is trying to teach me something 🙂 Praying that we can all learn how to let things go! Love you too!
Letting go is so hard. I have trouble letting things go and unfortunately sometimes is causes a rift between people. I need to always think before I say something because my mouth can be insensitive and don’t take time to realize the impact that I will make on the person if I say without first thinking. Great post and we can work on Letting Go together.
Thanks for sharing, Ashley! I tend to stuff my feelings, so even if I don’t say anything, sometimes I’m still feeling it – it’s hard on relationships both ways. Definitely something we’ll both be working on, I’m sure!