The other day I came across an Instagram post that left me reeling. The topic? That we as Christians don’t need self-love – only more self-denial.
Moreover, the person posting was making a statement that self-love today is actually just selfish.
That it’s an excuse to put ourselves before God and others.
It was strongly worded, and while self-denial is absolutely a crucial part of following Jesus, I immediately felt defensive.
I felt triggered by the post because I have worked so hard these past few years to really see my value in God.
Most of my life, I’ve struggled with the opposite – constantly feeling worthless, useless, never enough. Falling short with God and others felt like the norm. I often got a visual of God shaking his head at me.
Saying a little prayer that my pride wouldn’t take over, I responded to the post, sharing about my self-love journey and why it felt important to me. Luckily we were able to communicate peacefully about it, both sharing our perspectives.
We were coming from different places, the Instagram poster and me. Different, and both valid.
When she was talking about self-love, she meant self-worship. Whereas I was interpreting self-love to mean self-worth.
This is a bit of a clearer line to draw than, “is self-love right or wrong?” So the bigger question is: what does the Bible say about self-worship vs. self-worth?
Self-worship
The definition of self-worship is “extravagant admiration or devotion to oneself; self-idolatry.” And the definition of idolatry is “the worship of a physical object as God,” or “immoderate attachment or devotion to something.”
If you know anything about God, you probably know that he takes idolatry seriously. The first of the ten commandments is “You shall have no other God before me” (Exodus 20:3). It might seem dramatic to say we can set ourselves up to be the god of our own lives. But our actions and thoughts can confirm when we do.
Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon from the book of Daniel, is a famous example of a life-changing journey from self-worship to humility. In chapters 2 and 3, he receives vivid warnings and lessons from God, but still holds himself in the highest regard. He wouldn’t give credit to the one who actually deserved it – God.
And then God humbles this king in an extreme way in chapter 4. I’d summarize, but Nebuchadnezzar’s own words and experience just kind of read better in full. It shows how utterly transformed he is by the end of his story. He goes from self-idolatry to glorifying the one true God.
The New Testament talks self-denial too. Jesus says in Luke 9:23-24 NIV, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”
He is very clear. Why? We tend toward selfishness and pride. (Anyone else? Just me?) Cultivating selfless compassion and giving takes discipline; it’s easier to focus on ourselves and our needs and wants. (Talk to any mom who is trying to teach her kid to share.)
Self-worth
Self-worth is defined as “a sense of one’s own value as a human being; self-esteem.” May I suggest another definition? As a Christian, self-worth is finding a sense of our own value to and through God.
There are so many verses about our worth to God, and how we can be confident before him. Psalm 139:14 NIV says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” and reminds us that God’s works are wonderful (including us). 1 Peter 2:9-10 NIV says that we are chosen, royal, special to God, and holy because of him.
Romans 8 NIV (arguably the champion chapter of our worth to God) says we have “no condemnation” in God, that his glory is being revealed in us, that God is always working for our good, that nothing can separate us from his love, that we are “more than conquerers through him who loved us”.
As one commenter said, the point is that it’s about “him who loved us,” and not about anything we have done ourselves. We in ourselves can try and try, and never earn our value.
But God sees us as valuable enough because he made us to be – nothing we could add or take away will diminish our value to him. And Jesus made us good enough, so that we could actually have a relationship with God.
How can we cultivate self-worth in God, as opposed to self-worship?
Study out scriptures on our worth to God.
If we are to carry out our purpose for God (Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28 allude to our purpose), we really need to know and believe that he has equipped us and made us uniquely to glorify him. We can be confident in who God created us to be, in our unique talents and qualities, as they glorify him. Studying out the scriptures gives us a chance to focus on that truth.
Take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
When you think of self-love, you might also think of things like self-care activities, thinking positively and generously about yourself, and self-discovery. I’m a big believer that the Bible supports self-care. Both because God made you with care and consideration, and because he has compassion on you and your needs. And often taking care of our needs refuels us to better give to others.
Speak kindly and generously to your self.
God treats us so generously and abundantly. (See Luke 15:11-32, Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 31:19, if you need more on that.) And yet we can treat ourselves so terribly! Satan tosses accusations at us (Revelation 12:10), and we can live condemned.
Remember Romans 8:1, remember every promise of how precious we are to God, and speak those verses to yourself. Consider the the lovely, admirable, praiseworthy things (Philippians 4:8), even concerning yourself. Those are the true words – not the lies Satan heaps on.
Be in tune with God and his kingdom.
If we want to glorify God and serve his purpose, it makes sense to be in tune with his perspective and mission. We can tap into our relationship with God by spending time in prayer and asking for perspective and wisdom from the God who “gives generously to all without finding fault” (James 1:5 NIV).
Also, we can be in tune with the body, building close relationships with others who demonstrate faith and fruits of the Spirit in their lives in many ways. We can learn from each other, and be more ready to help take care of needs when we are are connected.
For the Glory of God
Like anything that we can set up as an idol for ourselves before God, we can take self-love to an unhealthy extreme. Remember that “whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
Sometimes glorifying God shines more by giving to others. Sometimes it shines in how you speak to and take care of your self.
This is a conversation that needs to keep happening.
It’s one of those questions that doesn’t have a blanket answer; one that takes some extra thought and consideration. (Not unlike, “Is it okay for Christians to say ‘No‘).
Why talk about it? Because so many Christians are living guilty and heavy lives. A lot of it comes from false assumptions about what the Bible says. And yet the Word makes it clear that Jesus’s “yoke is easy and [his] burden is light” (Matthew 11:30 NIV). He wants us to walk confidently, securely, and without burden or confusion about his plan for us. (But it is about his plan for us.)
How about you?
This is a tricky concept. What do you believe about self-love, self-worship and/or self-worth?
Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
I appreciate your thoughtful distinction between self-worship and self-love. This is a hard topic because 1.) I do tend to be unkind to myself and 2.) I think Christians often get wayyyy too wrapped up in themselves if they go to far with “self-love”. So it’s sort of a balancing act, ya know? I think we need to speak kindly of ourselves and treat ourselves with grace since God does, but we also have to remember that when Romans 8 talks about us having no condemnation, it is because of Jesus. We don’t stand uncondemned because of our own doing, but because Jesus redeemed us – which is only true for Christians. We do have value because we are made in the image of God, but the value of being un-condemned Christians was a gift bestowed on us by Christ’s sacrifice. Sometimes I think Christians think they somehow earned these things, or that God gave them this gift because they were already good, and that’s where “self-love” (or self-worship) gets really dangerous. All that to say, as long as we realize that we do have value, but every bit of that value is a gift from God, not something that we conjure up or should praise ourselves for, then we are good to go. But when we start thinking of our value as something that comes from us, instead of something God gifted to us, then we have a problem.
Hopefully that makes sense. It’s a tough topic.
Thanks for sharing! We are definitely on the same page. I so hope that we as Christians can redefine “self” worth as being our worth to and through God (not in and of ourselves). God is who gives us the value, who sees us as a treasure, and it’s not anything we can work out for ourselves. Definitely love looking into this and getting the truth out there! Self-condemning isn’t the answer, but neither is self-worship. It’s all about him.
Looking back, I see how I could not have made that clear in this post, so I’ve added some updated wording. Thank you for sharing that! Definitely want to be clear and not mishandle God’s word.