#metoo stops here – raising boys to respect

So, in more awful news going on, this week, women are taking to social media to share their stories of sexual harassment and abuse. Of course, my heart hurts over all the stories. And I feel such anger for fellow women who have been attacked and silenced.

But nothing could prepare me to see so many stories on my feed from people I know. Girls who are like sisters to me sharing painful stories, or even just a simple, “me too”. My heart sinks with every post.

Why is that so surprising to me? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s partially because I am naive. I really don’t realize how many women get harassment and abuse. Especially in places or with people I always consider to be safe.

The second reason is that I just plain don’t see harassment for what it is. I hear the #metoo stories and think that only includes stories of abuse. When I stop to realize that harassment is any unwelcome  advance or “obscene remark”, it makes me realize that I can say “me too” as well. When a guy “compliments” how I look (while looking me up and down). Or when I get those random private messages from guys on Instagram starting with, “Hey Beautiful”. I block them and roll my eyes because it’s annoying. But I forget about it because some guys are wrong, and “that’s just how it is.”

Except that attitude is wrong. That attitude is why we put people like Harvey Weinstein and others like him in powerful positions, and let their abuse slide. It’s why people are afraid to come forward about things that happen, and it stays under wraps for years.

I can feel helpless to turn the tide of such a disgusting culture. But I realize that as a mother of two future adult men, I am part of making a difference. We boy moms can affect change in the culture, just by training our boys well.

We can teach them:

• To show respect to everyone as people. People are not objects. They do not exist to fulfill the needs or wants of other people.
• To have respect for the people that earn it. Hold in high regard men and women of character and integrity. And don’t hand your respect to people just because they’re rich, powerful or popular.
• Boundaries when it comes to entertainment and social media. Because unfortunately, that’s where a lot of false ideals and stereotypes come from.
• Boundaries when it comes to other people. Knowing to keep hands to self, and to stop when someone says stop, no matter how harmless the action may be. And if he wants me to stop tickling him or picking him up, respecting what he wants as well.
• To not treat harassment or abuse as a joke or “just how things are”. Instead, to change the mindset by drawing lines and stating what is not okay.

I want #metoo to stop here, but this is only the beginning of the conversation. And my boys are little – we have a long way to go, and I have a lot to learn. What do you think are ways we can train our boys up to respect? How can we change our culture?