how to be a bridesmaid: responsibilities and helpful tips

After your best friend has nervously waited for her guy to pop the question, after he’s asked and she’s said yes, then comes another big question:

Will you be my bridesmaid?

It is one of the biggest honors to get asked to stand by a friend in her wedding party as she gets married. Barring any crazy circumstances, it’s usually pretty easy to say yes. And it’s funny – the minute you do, visions of bridesmaid dresses and champagne and up-dos seem to start dancing in your head.

Being a bridesmaid is an honor, and it’s fun, but it’s also – surprise! – a job. I was recently in one wedding, and will be in another in June, and the role is something I take pretty seriously. Mostly because I believe my biggest job is to support the bride and to make her life easier.

There’s a lot of ways you can do that, but the best way is understanding how to be a bridesmaid, and the duties and responsibilities involved. There are also things that aren’t technically part of the job description, but ways that you can help regardless.

Responsibilities:

These are things that are (arguably) in the bridesmaid job contract. These are the basics – the things you should expect to do.

Prior to Wedding Day:

• Purchase required wardrobe and accessory needs – usually including a dress, but sometimes specific shoes, jewelry, etc.
• Help plan the bridal shower (and personal party, if having)
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner

Day of Wedding:

• Be on time for whatever is on the schedule – any gatherings, getting ready, photos, the ceremony, the reception
• Follow directions given by the bride or coordinator
• Stand by the bride at the front in the ceremony on the wedding day
• Participate in wedding photos
• Be presented as part of the wedding party at the reception
• Attend the reception

Other Ways to Help:

These things aren’t necessarily your job, but in the interest of being as helpful and supportive as you can be, these are the ways you can go above and beyond:

• Go with the bride to help get things done – including wedding dress shopping, venue visits, etc. It always helps to have a friend around for these trips!
• Be a listening ear and help where you can with the planning process. Planning a wedding can be stressful! It can be so helpful to just have someone to vent to, as well as someone to bounce ideas off of. It also can be helpful to ask her about things she may not have thought of – questions like, who will collect gifts and cards at the wedding and get them back to the couples’ house? How are you getting to the ceremony? Best case scenario: offer her a solution, too. (I can do it! Or, maybe your sister can help with that!)
• Give advice (with caution)! Sometimes your outside perspective is a very needed part of the puzzle. It can be hard to make decisions in the moment as a bride, and of course, sometimes judgment can be clouded by stress or emotion. If your friend asks for input, give it! Sometimes (sometimes!) it’s also needed to give perspective when it’s not asked for – maybe helping the bride to remember her budget, or encouraging her to take care of herself, too. But be sure to do this with gentleness and kindness.
• Support the bride’s decisions. This is important. You may have an opinion against the decision, and you may have even expressed it. But unless it completely goes against your convictions, or you have some kind of extemporaneous situation that keeps you from doing so, support the bride’s decisions wholeheartedly. This means when it comes to wardrobe, to venue, to scheduling, everything. The last thing your close friend needs is an argument against the colors (I don’t like that shade of purple!) or the wedding date (that day doesn’t work for me!). If anyone needs to compromise, let it be you, in favor of making the day special for your friend. Be her biggest fan!
• Make sure the bride eats on the wedding day, and that she drinks water! Mimosas are fun, and everyone loves candy and snacks. But it’s so easy to neglect the important stuff when you’re in the thick of the wedding day. Think of the things she won’t necessarily think about, and make sure she gets something healthy in her system. Case in point: One of my funniest wedding memories was feeding a sandwich to one of my friends (the bride) as she was getting her makeup put on. Taking my job seriously, y’all.

Phew – that’s a lot! What are other official or unofficial bridesmaid responsibilities that you can think of? Brides – what is or was helpful for you from your bridesmaids? Bridesmaids – what things might I have forgotten? Sound off!