The other day I came across a meme that joked about non-parents. It featured two men exploding with laughter and the words read, “When people without kids tell me they’re exhausted”. I’m a mom, so I had to chuckle. Exhaustion just hits a whole new level when it’s 2am and you’re still recovering from giving birth and you’re begging your three-week-old to go back to sleep for ten minutes please please please.
It was just a meme, someone just being funny. But it took me back to a time when I was working and childless. I found out that two women at my job (and probably more) were talking about me behind my back, wondering why I was only working part time, and why I felt I was too busy to take on more hours. They had said something about how I didn’t have any kids, so how busy could I really be?
It hurt. What they didn’t know was at the time, I was also leading a small ministry at church, which was much more of a priority to me, even if it was unpaid. I was still getting the hang of being a wife and taking care of a household. Emotionally, I was hurting over not being able to get pregnant. I also was frustrated at my job, wanting instead to figure out my passion and pursue it. Plus it was a tiring job. Even my part-time hours at this job just plain wore me out.
It was sobering to remember that hurt, because I still judge people. I judge because I assume they have the same background or experiences as me, and if I was able to do it, why can’t they? I don’t leave them room to make mistakes or complain, or even to just say no.
I’m not here to preach about judging people – clearly it’s still something I’m working on myself. Or to rehash my hurt and have a pity party.
I want to encourage you. You may be going through something that others don’t understand, or can’t relate to. They may not agree with your choices, and think you should be doing something better or differently. But whatever you’re in the middle of, there you are.
Proverbs 14:10, NIV says, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.” Whatever desert (or oasis!) you’re going through, it’s your journey. It’s okay to feel what you feel. It’s okay to set your boundaries, and expand them when you’re ready. Your feelings are real, they count, and they matter to God.
Because I found out about this conversation, I went ahead and said yes after I’d already said no. I caved. I was more worried about what people thought of me than how I was actually feeling. I don’t think I’d actually change it now, because I was able to do it, and I think I needed to know that. But I’m ashamed that I gave in to what people thought.
My prayer for you is that you take time to take inventory of how you feel, and that you have the opportunity to make godly decisions that are best for you, not ones based on what other people think. Hopefully that involves a lot of prayer, scripture, and advice from trusted friends, since our feelings can often color our judgement. But we’re made in the image of God, and he has feelings too. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want us to ignore them.
Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do? Would you do something differently now?
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