Need help approaching new perspectives with grace? How can we face new opinions and ideas in a compassionate way? Let’s dig into it a bit more.
I recently read an interview from Philip Yancey on grace. While the whole interview is powerful, there is one specific quote that I keep revisiting.
When I ask people, “What is a Christian?” they don’t usually respond with words like love, compassion, grace; usually they describe a person who’s anti-something. Jesus was not primarily known for what he was against. He was known for serving people who had needs, feeding people who are hungry, and giving water to the thirsty. If we the church were known primarily for that, then we could cut through so many divisions. (Emphasis mine.)
This was written years ago, alongside Yancey’s book, What’s So Amazing About Grace? But it is oh-so-significant today.
As our country and even churches continue to divide on issues like racial injustice, civil liberties, church culture, politics, and so much more, people are drawing hard lines. Relationships are being tested, and trust is crumbling, walls are being built.
What do you think God most about: what we are against, or what we are for?
First of all, yes, we are to draw lines. God himself has boundaries with us – he cannot and will not have anything to do with sin and darkness. He calls us to not have anything to do with sin, either. He allows us to experience consequences for our sin, and doesn’t get in the way of our free will. In a lot of ways, he shows his love to us by refusing to cross those boundaries.
But imagine if that was all there is to God: what he’s against. It would leave out the most beautiful parts of God’s character: mercy, grace, redemption, compassion, relationship, and renewal. It wouldn’t show how he works in the details, cares about every tear we shed, and meets us where we are.
In fact, the most important commands have to do with who we are for, not what we are against. In Mark 12:30, Jesus says these are, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Are we as Christians best known for showing love and compassion? Are we offering grace to the people who are most hungry and thirsty for it?
Let’s consider how to approach new perspectives with grace.
Be open to experiences different from your own.
“I’m smart, you’re dumb; I’m big, you’re little; I’m right, you’re wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it,” is a well-known quote from the movie Matilda. And it basically sums up how some conversations go on social media lately.
It doesn’t matter if someone is stating a fact, opinion, feeling, or life experience – we can shut it down without a second thought, leaving no room in our minds for us to be wrong, or to accept anything other than our own points of view. I am guilty of this too.
Before responding to someone’s experience, consider James 1:19, which says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” This should be our banner scripture this year, as many voices speak up. (See similar post: How to Disagree in a Godly Way.)
Allow other people’s experiences to grow our compassion.
Jesus was often moved to compassion in the Bible. In Matthew 9:36, Matthew 14:14, Matthew 15:32, Matthew 20:34, Mark 6:34, and Mark 8:2, Jesus has compassion for the needs of the people.
In John 4, Jesus has a whole conversation with a Samaritan woman, a totally taboo thing of the time, even if she hadn’t been a social outcast in her town. In John 8, he draws attention to himself and away from a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery.
Can we choose compassion instead of rejection? Jesus did this again and again, in various situations. He did not excuse sin, and yet he also looked at people and loved them. He didn’t cast stones, even though he was the only person who could.
Affirm someone else’s experience.
It doesn’t cost anything to thank someone for sharing their perspective. It’s okay to confirm that their story gives you something to think about, or to affirm their experience by saying, “that must have been difficult” or “I never considered it that way before.”
We don’t need to be quick to defend ourselves or self-protect. In fact, God doesn’t need us to defend him either, but instead calls us to represent him in this world. What if we could simply appreciate someone’s vulnerability when they offer it without condemnation?
Discomfort is not a bad thing.
It’s just a hunch, but it seems that a lot of us are defensive because we’re uncomfortable. We don’t want to consider, for example, how prejudices influence our mindsets, how our affinity for church culture can affect our actions, or how our privilege has contributed to our lifestyle.
What if our discomfort could take us further, deeper with God? What if our discomfort is calling us to change, or to grow, to understand God or people better?
Examine your own heart.
Ask yourself questions like: Why do I feel resistant to this? Why might this person have a different experience than me? How I can I respond in a way that doesn’t negate their experience? Will this prompt me to study something out further or change my own actions?
It may not lead to me changing convictions. But it may change how I look at someone and how I approach them.
Luke 6:42 says, “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Line it up with God’s Word and Jesus’s example.
If you feel prompted to give a response or create a personal change, start by lining it up with the Word. Psalm 19:7-8 says, “The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.”
The Bible equips us with what we need when it comes to the most important things.
Ask questions like: What does the Bible actually say? Does God set a firm line about this, or is it a disputable matter? (Linking a useful article on the often misunderstood quote, “Speak where the Bible speaks; be silent where the Bible is silent”.) How would Jesus have responded to someone in that situation?
Seek unity and peace wherever possible.
Jesus’s prayer for us as a church was to find unity in God, like his unity with his Father. (See John 17:20-23.) Also, Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
How can we do this? Maybe it’s a good time to step away from the computer screen and go for a prayer walk. Maybe it’s a conversation that’s best had in private rather than in public. If it’s possible, let’s go for peace rather than war.
Sometimes we have to set lines and boundaries.
God does this, and expects it of us. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” You can’t discount this.
However, someone expressing a different thought or experience does not necessarily constitute an argument or pretension against God. It doesn’t necessarily require a harsh or immediate reaction. And it can potentially open up your point of view in a needed way.
As we navigate our way through this time – which, let’s not forget, is full of uncertainty and challenges and pain for everyone right now, in addition to fighting and division – let’s consider how to show compassion and grace in this world. That is an incredible way we can represent God’s love here on earth.
How about you? What helps you approach new perspectives with grace?
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Photo Credit: All by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.
Wow. There is so much good in here. I love you point out that we don’t have to defend ourselves every time someone disagrees. In reality it is so hard to resist the urge to spew out our opinion! But sometimes it really is best to just say “thank you for sharing that”. Or come back with genuine questions (but the tone is key when asking questions!). And Y.E.S. Line it up with the Word – this was convicting for me because I know I can sometimes speak from my opinion instead of speaking what the Bible has to say about it. This is timely. Thank you for sharing!
I am so encouraged that those points came through clearly! It feels very pressing on my heart lately. In the past I felt like I was very unmoving in my opinions – now I’m trying to be both God-centered and open-hearted. Thank you for responding, Kelsey!