It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And I’m pretty sure most people would also use the word “exhausting” to describe it. But then holidays for introverts? It’s draining on a whole different level.
Holidays mean many opportunities to mingle with a variety of people – from your best friend to your great aunt to your coworker’s spouse to your neighbor’s cousin. Conversations that vary from telling your full life story to catching up on everything that has happened in the past 12 months. Too busy a schedule and not enough down time.
If you’re starting to tense up, I feel you.
For years, I would be surprised by how tired holiday parties would make me. I’d wonder why I felt so irritable at a festive event, or why conversations felt so trying. I would sneak to the bathroom for time to myself and feel like the odd one out.
It took a long time to figure out that I’m not completely crazy – I’m just an introvert. Too many small-talk conversations feels overwhelming. Too little time alone to recharge, and I am just not fun to be around.
Holidays can feel like the perfect storm, but it doesn’t mean you can’t thrive this season.
Knowing yourself well and maybe setting a few boundaries can help set you up for success during such a busy time. Here are some suggestions for thriving during the holidays for introverts.
Be generous with yourself and your alone time.
Are you putting all those holiday parties in your calendar? Be sure to also pencil in some time just for you. Seriously – set a block of time for it and try not to touch it. Schedules can shift, but it helps to have a space for recharging to look forward to.
And protect it. Insist on it. Don’t give it up easily. It’s not selfish – it’s actually an opportunity for you to feel rested, so that you can be ready to give more wholeheartedly at the next event.
Make alone time productive for you.
Maybe you need some self-care during your recharging time. Set an appointment at a salon or spa for something regenerative and refreshing. You can do something to take your mind off of the busyness of the season. Or go in the opposite direction and go into the holidays full-force – use the time to watch your favorite Hallmark movie and drink hot chocolate.
On the other hand, maybe you don’t necessarily need self-care, just time spent alone. If that’s the case, maybe do some double duty by wrapping gifts, grocery shopping, or decorating. Just give yourself space to breathe and don’t compromise on the requirement to be alone.
Take care of basic needs.
So often, we can ditch those basic physical needs in favor of getting it all done. Staying up too late to wrap Christmas presents. Skipping a meal while you run errands. To put yourself in the best place physically to be able to engage, make sure you’re getting the sleep, food, and water your body craves.
Here’s your permission slip: you don’t have to always say “yes”.
What’s that? You’re allowed to say “no” to an invitation? Yep, I’m going there. Sometimes it is just too much. It might be things that are back to back, leaving you rushing from one thing to another. Maybe it’s something your family can enjoy even without you there.
Don’t feel pressured to always have to make an appearance. If you need alone time, self-care, or you have a to-do list that seems endless, feel free to decline.
Team up with the people who know you best.
Make sure you have someone to help you out when things get challenging. Communicate about how you’re feeling going into an event, or during it. Have them on the ready to make an exit strategy or to welcome you in to a game or a group.
For me, it’s my husband. I can tell him about my anxieties, and let him know discreetly when it’s time to go. He’s great about teaming up with me in conversations that could otherwise be hard to navigate, and is often willing to cut the night short if needed.
Focus on your breathing and being present.
Too many people around can actually make me feel anxious and panicky. (Although that doesn’t necessarily happen to all introverts.) Give yourself a minute to literally catch your breath by practicing breathing exercises and find calm even in the chaos.
Identify the safe people.
You might be surrounded by all new people, or by your family that has known you since birth. Either way, identifying a couple people who feel safe is helpful – meaning ones that make you feel comfortable, with whom you relate or conversation feels easy.
If it’s the host, maybe offer to help with something, so you have a task to focus on.
Celebrate the victories and don’t feel guilty.
I used to way overestimate how many people I could talk to in an evening. I felt like I had to have a solid interaction with everyone.
Now I know it’s a little unrealistic for me personally to know everyone’s names and background stories. Instead, I celebrate the small wins, like chatting with someone new or having a conversation that went deeper. Counting the victories instead of feeling guilty about missing out is a perspective shift that makes a huge difference.
Figure out how you can get a few minutes to yourself.
Maybe it’s excusing yourself to walk out to the car, check your phone, or offer to help the host with something. It could mean petting a dog, settling down with a drink, looking at a book on the shelf. Maybe a walk, or yes, even a trip to the bathroom. Take your time, and step away when you need to.
Find things to delight in this season.
There is so much to enjoy about the holidays! Figure out the things that bring you joy. Those are the things you can turn the conversation to if you’re not sure what to say. Or things to enjoy when you take some time to yourself.
So, how about you?
What tips do you have for thriving during holidays for introverts?
Photos by:
1 – Roberto Nickson on Unsplash
2 – Brooke Lark on Unsplash
3 – Drew Coffman on Unsplash
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